Bloody Hell! (Warning for the sqeamish!)

Or, as we Brits also like to say: "Hells bells and buckets of blood." (Serious kudos to anyone who can tell me where that came from and sorry to Joy for all the h words... the moment requires.)

Right after I blogged that I didn't think my bandage would make it through 2 days, I got up to go to the bathroom only to be confronted with blood streaming down my leg. The banages were soaked and it was leaking through my shrink wrap. Um... ewww... and YIKES! I am not good with blood, as you're no doubt guessing... I was freaking out but in my own internalalized sort of way. Thankfully hubby has no such problems (or if he does, he's doing a stellar job of hiding it) and came to the rescue with some additional stuff to put on top but, in hindsight, it was just a little comical because every time he tried to clean it up to put the new bandages on, more blood leaked from somewhere else. How I stayed calm and didn't faint, I have no clue - I did feel a little lightheaded and was hyperventilating slightly.

In other news, I managed to pee on myself a little last night. Another highlight in the depridification of me (hey, if W can make up words, so can I.) Obvy it has something to do with my numb.... whatsit... but it was clearly the lowpoint of my marriage as Hubby had to help me out of my blood and urine spotted pants. I'm praying things get better in this department as the thought of resorting to Depends is really not something I want to consider on top of everything else right now. (Hubby proclaimed this was all a real turn-on but admitted it was better that this happened several years into our relationship and after we got married.)

In terms of sleeping, I think we did... on-and-off. Since I have no compulsions about taking pain meds, especially in these first few days, we set our alarm to wake us up every 4-4.5 hours. Inevitably, waking up also meant another trip to the bathroom, so all-in-all what should have been a quick pill-popping session, turned into a 15 minute outing.

Then there was getting comfy again. I have a tendency to tell Hubby that I'm ok before I've actually taken time to consider the real answer to that question. So, he would just be settling down on the couch again, and out would peep a: "Do you think it would bleed less if I raised my leg up on some pillows?"; or a "Do you think I'm shivvering because I'm losing too much blood or because I'm cold?". There were others but I can't remember them all. Hubby says his favorite was: "I think I just peed on myself." Yep, that would be the winner. Poor guy. In my defense, I figure I'm a dependent in-training: I'm not used to having to really consider how I'm doing in order to communicate my needs clearly to someone else. Who knew but this is going to actually take some practice!

Pain is mostly under control but I've started to get pain from the incision site - the burning I was expecting initially. The meds seem to knock most of it out but I do have two open-wound holes in my upper thigh, so a little soreness is to be expected. Again, I am not looking forward to changing this dressing.

Movement is ok so far. I'm able to move my leg enough to get on and off the armchair and I can put a little weight on it to get up and down the stairs (just the 2 small ones through my family room) for the bathroom. There's no pain so far when I put pressure on it but I'm taking it slow and feeling it out conservatively - I'm giving myself at least 48-72 hours before I try anything new (and by new I do not mean radical.) I just want my body to recalibrate from the shock of the actual surgery first, before dealing with the residual issues of movement, stiffness and pain. I'm glad that I feel ok with giving myself permission for this - that may sound like a strange statement but to me it means everything and is a good omen for what is to come, I think.

Now, if we can only get the bleeding to stop. Hubby seems to think it has but it did already seep through the second layer of bandages... no more leakage yet, though. Just the thought of what's going on down there is enough to send me into mini panic attacks every now and again, so the key is distraction, distraction, distraction. Hence, this may not be the only long-winded post of the day. Again, sorry... I'll find something else to talk about next time, hopefully.

Hubby will call the surgeon today to ensure the bleeding and numbness is normal and to check on things like icing the area since my thigh is still quite swollen.

About 30 mins to my next meds, so I'm going to sign-off here... need some mental space to deal with the pain that resurges.

So, until later...