Monday, June 07, 2010

Living all weekend with the word "can't"

As you know, if you had the gumption to wade through the description of my last Physical Therapy session, I am on activity restrictions that rival those of a person who just had total limb replacement.

Yes, I have a flair for the dramatic but, honestly, that's how it felt this weekend, my first days with the new restrictions in place.

I tried, in vain, to hang with Daisy at the local My Gym class on Saturday morning. However, bending and lifting with correct form is not something fourteen month olds hang around for. Plus, there is the fact that part of the activities involve bouncing on a trampoline with your little one and rolling backwards on the floor as you spin them over your head. Yeah, I know, sounds like it fits in with the plan well, right?

For my pennance, I laid down three times during the day and iced my back. I wasn't in a ton of pain or anything but I had that twingy feeling before I go into an "episode" and I didn't want to go there so I was being a good little girl and putting preventative measures in place.

The rest of the weekend mostly passed in a haze of sloth. I hate lying around but, quite honestly, I couldn't think what else to do with myself. Usually I avoid the back-killing activity of sitting on the floor and playing with Daisy, by heading out on an excursion with her. But then I also wasn't supposed to be lifting her in and out of the car, certainly couldn't lift the stroller in and out of the car, wasn't allowed to walk for more than ten minutes at a time when I got wherever I was going to, was faced with 90 degree heat outside anyway, and could only think of shopping as an appropriate distraction (which meant medicating with money vs. pills.)  If you have kids, you'll understand how crippling these restrictions are. If you don't, you may think I'm over-exaggerating or just not trying hard enough - once upon a time I would have too - but the reality is that, unless you have someone else around (and then even if you do) it is virtually IMPOSSIBLE to adhere to these rules when you have a toddler to care for all day. Yes, I said impossible and I AM NOT exaggerating here.

Normally if I do stay home for most of the day, I pick up around the house, clean the toilets, vacuum the floor, polish the surfaces, do the laundry. Unfortunately only polishing was on the cards, although I did try to vacuum the family room because the vacuum was already in there and didn't require lifting or bending. It did require moving back and forth, back and forth, however, and that didn't seem to be hitting the right spot, so I stopped that too.

Sunday was a little easier with Hubby around to pick up some slack but that only made me more miserable because, here I was, sitting around useless as he vacuumed, laundered, and picked up Daisy. He only gets one day off a week as it is and now he had to spend that day picking up my slack, so there was also the guilt.

Then everything we could think of to do involved some kind of activity and so we managed to drag each other down all day, trying to list some kind of something that we would both enjoy and that would not violate my physical restrictions. We kept coming up cold and so laid on the couch watching TV as Daisy napped, drifting in and out of sleep and feeling sorry for ourselves.

To many of you, sitting around all day doing pretty much nothing, might sound splendid. Unfortunately, for me and my personality... notsomuch. As in, not at all. As in, a quick trip to depressedville.

We did finally get out for some lunch, where I managed to violate my diet and our budget instead. Afterwards, we headed to a park where they have a water playground (aka: sprayground) and I got to push my physical limits again, bending down to take pictures of Daisy getting soaked. Seriously, MOVING felt great, so whatever.

Do I sound bitter? Yes. Because I am. Five days a week of sitting around like a 90 year old while someone else watches your kid, is one thing. Spending all weekend acting like an invalid, is quite something else. I sure hope these limitations are EXTREMELY short term because I think I'll need a Prozac AND a narcotic to get through too many more.


Tanya Flores, CMT said...

Hug and smile coming your way...

e said...

It's a huge imposition, unfortunately. And while it may be impossible, if anyone can do it, or get close to it, it's you. The pain is on its way out. And that's that.

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