I've let go of yesterday. Whatever I've done to my poor laptop (my birthday gift to myself 3 years ago) is now done. No use crying over spilt milk. Aside from some maddening technical issues with the phone this morning (again letting that go too), I've managed to have a good morning... exactly what I wanted and planned: a cup of coffe, a good book, and the sun streaming in through the front window of my living room.
I love my house. I had this moment of extreme gratitude walking through it just now. It's not exactly how we want it yet but I love the spaces: the view into the back yard, the way the sun bears down on the front of the house and makes my office sun-soaked, my living room gently touched by it's rays filtered the trees in front.
I'm also feeling grateful for being so loved. Reading my book I was interrupted by the doorbell: on the other side of the door a little Asian man smiling and delivering a beautiful flower display from my Mum and Dad in the sunniest yellow, smiley-faced vase, and with yellow and white daisies. How perfect! So yellow. So me.
Then, I realize I have voicemails: from my mother-in-law, from my Mum singing, and from my friend CJ singing. I answered the phone just now to hear my ex-husband get in on the act - singing Happy Birthday just as he has every year for the last 13 years (can't believe it's been that long!) despite the fact we've been divorced for 8 of them. I also have e-cards - people from people at work, my Mum, my friend Joy - and yesterday I was delivered-up a yummy cake accompanied by singing, plus a $50 spa gift certificate from the people I work with. I even got a card from my uncle in France who, throughout my whole lifetime, really just doesn't "do" cards. (Sadly, it shamed me because I hadn't got one for him for the first time in many years - it's his birthday too today!)
Let's not also forget, last but not least, my husband who (despite me ruining his carefully planned evening with my temper tantrum last night) had decorated the house with balloons and flowers, and this morning appeared with a foot-stool for my Ikea chair I have in my office. Looking at it, I immediately knew that he had experienced hassle getting it - he had no way to know that the picking process was a la carte, with 4 different wood colors and 5 different color cushions. I knew he had sped-off to Ikea yesterday (about 25 miles away) to purchase the foot-stool that matched my chair, expecting it to be a one-and-done process. Lo-and-behold, I was right. He ended up changing his wood selection 3x before he got to the right color combination. Poor guy.
So, in short, I feel very lucky to have so many people around me who love and care for me and who take the time to remember and/or celebrate me on my birthday. It's these thoughts that elevate my mood as I look toward the rest of my day and the opportunity to please myself, unabashedly, and without aplogy, for an entire 24 hours.
Thanks family and friends! I'm so lucky to have you in my life.