Today I met a friend for lunch. She's a smart cookie this chick. Business-savvy of the entrepreneurial, go-getting kind. We haven't seen one another for a while, in fact since I became a mother. She recently (as in the last 3 years) adopted a young boy. Our lives have been forever changed, as we finally admitted, despite our protestations to the contrary prior to parenthood landing on our doorstep.
Anyway, the topic of sacrifice came up. It's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm a cake-and-eat-it kind of girl, not much for sacrifice, I'll admit. I'd prefer to think I'm smart enough to figure out how to do it all, have it all, and pay for it. Yeah, I know, denial 101.
So, we talked about the things you're willing to give up to get where you want to go in life. How much are you willing to let the "here and now" suck in order to make the "there and later" everything you ever wanted it to be?
I don't know the answer to this question right now - I've been pondering it for quite a while now and haven't come to any sort of conclusion, probably because I'm convinced I'll find the "have it all" solution sometime soon - but I do know what I'm afraid of and it's not poverty or failure. Nah, neither of these don't even warrant pause. It's missing out on enjoying today in the endless pursuit of the greener grass.
What if I dropped dead tomorrow? What if someone I love did? What if something happened in my life that prevented me from enjoying my daughter, my marriage, my family, my friends, and my little daily luxuries? What then? Would I regret the sacrifices I made today for a goal that may or may not be achieved tomorrow?
Motherhood has made me much more philosophical this way; has made the choices harder, with greater consequences, the weight of responsibility heavier.
Like I said, I have no answers, no solutions, although I have many choices. Clearly, none of them are "perfect" or "easy" or there would be no contemplation necessary.
Yes, this random stream of consciousness but that's what you get today, folks. I'm too busy and too in-limbo to elaborate.
3 comments:
I think parenthood throws into relief something that all of us, especially us career people, have to deal with on some level. Work now to play later? Play now that you have the energy and play less later? But old age without resources looms like a bogeyman here in the US. Save or go on vacation? I guess with kids it's more stark: send them to a good school or go on vacation? And will those things you're giving up now be worth it later? Who knows. I totally hear ya. Totally.
Very well said, I often have these internal battles with myself as well. Im not sure I ever come to any kind of conclusion. My motto, live life to the fullest in ever sense of the way. Cant complain too much about that if you were hit by the beer truck tomorrow. :)
I know what you mean. You are an amazing person with the incredible skill of living life well. It's ok if the definition of living life well changes and morphs and tilts. Keep plugging away at it (as I know you will), and the answer(s) will come. Another one of your amazing skills/traits: having no fear of change. Unward and upward!
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