Today I met a friend for lunch. She's a smart cookie this chick. Business-savvy of the entrepreneurial, go-getting kind. We haven't seen one another for a while, in fact since I became a mother. She recently (as in the last 3 years) adopted a young boy. Our lives have been forever changed, as we finally admitted, despite our protestations to the contrary prior to parenthood landing on our doorstep.
Anyway, the topic of sacrifice came up. It's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm a cake-and-eat-it kind of girl, not much for sacrifice, I'll admit. I'd prefer to think I'm smart enough to figure out how to do it all, have it all, and pay for it. Yeah, I know, denial 101.
So, we talked about the things you're willing to give up to get where you want to go in life. How much are you willing to let the "here and now" suck in order to make the "there and later" everything you ever wanted it to be?
I don't know the answer to this question right now - I've been pondering it for quite a while now and haven't come to any sort of conclusion, probably because I'm convinced I'll find the "have it all" solution sometime soon - but I do know what I'm afraid of and it's not poverty or failure. Nah, neither of these don't even warrant pause. It's missing out on enjoying today in the endless pursuit of the greener grass.
What if I dropped dead tomorrow? What if someone I love did? What if something happened in my life that prevented me from enjoying my daughter, my marriage, my family, my friends, and my little daily luxuries? What then? Would I regret the sacrifices I made today for a goal that may or may not be achieved tomorrow?
Motherhood has made me much more philosophical this way; has made the choices harder, with greater consequences, the weight of responsibility heavier.
Like I said, I have no answers, no solutions, although I have many choices. Clearly, none of them are "perfect" or "easy" or there would be no contemplation necessary.
Yes, this random stream of consciousness but that's what you get today, folks. I'm too busy and too in-limbo to elaborate.