Learnings and reflections on being a part-time photographer

I just finished editing my very first wedding photo shoot.

For a first foray into the wedding photography world, I think I did ok. I mean, I've been to weddings, I've been a bride twice, and I immerse myself in the work of other photographers doing this kind of thing every day. But outside of that, I've never been a 2nd-shooter with a professional photographer and have never been through the flow of a wedding from the perspective of a photographer.

So, I knew, up-front, that I had a lot to learn. I wasn't wrong.

Here are my key take-aways:

1. Patience and focus. Don't let external variables, personalities, or timelines distract from what you have been hired to do. (Which is not to say, be stubborn and inflexible, just focused.) This is obviously easier to do if you have a ton of experience under your belt and the process is old-hat.
2. Pre-wedding communication. How are the couple scheduling their day? Have they built in enough time (with cushion, for the inevitable delays) for you to get the shots they need?
3. Alignment with your style and goals. Is the photography as important to the bride and groom as the results will be to you? Is their style of wedding one that matches your style of photography and your goals for your portfolio? This relates to a whole set of variables: time to take photos; tolerance of the bridal party for getting the images you would like to get to make them happy; how comfortable the bride and groom will be working with you etc...
4. Posing. I typically lean toward a more candid style of photography but, for weddings, you need to give your subjects more direction. I think this will come with experience. I'd really love to work as an assistant/2nd-shooter for an experienced photographer at this point. I feel the "lacking" if you know what I mean.
5. Time to edit = a lot. My biggest challenge, doing this after my day job, was finding a clear block of time to edit the photos. It took me a few weeks, which is no time at all for a full-time photographer (most of whom take 6+ weeks) but usually this is at least in part because the photographer also has other sessions to edit. I felt the process lacked creative consistency for me because I was editing in 1-2 hour fits and spurts. By the time I was half way through I almost wanted to go in a different direction with the style of the edits but then had already committed myself and didn't have time to change the first half. All of this means I lost my momentum and enthusiasm (not entirely but I was feeling overwhelmed/dejected.) Honestly, I had a hard time with the editing, run out of steam, and I think it showed in the final product.
6. Time. Time. Time. Weddings require a lot of time, a lot of focus, a lot of creative energy both in preparation, on the day, and subsequently in choosing and editing the final photos... or, at least, this one did for me. Right now, this is hard for me to fit into my life. It makes me question if this is an aspect of photography I should pursue right now. 

Don't get me wrong, I make this sound negative: it wasn't. I had a great time and I'm thankful for the opportunity. Learning about where you need to improve is just as important as having a positive experience that reaffirms your strengths.

Yet, as I think about the next 12 months for Memories by Michelle, I have a definite vision for where I want to go, what I want to achieve (creatively and from a business perspective) and it all seems a little overwhelming. I just don't have the time to devote to it that I want/need to do things to the standard that will make me satisfied. Further, I know I have made choices this past year that don't fit in with where I want to go in the next 12-18 months

Part of what this wedding, and the build-up to it with a ton of sessions this year, has taught me is that, as I referred to in #5 and #6, to achieve what I really want to achieve with my photography, at the standard at which I want to achieve it, I need to be more strategic in the way I approach my sessions.

Basically, I need to do fewer sessions to avoid burnout, and only accept clients whose vision for their end product not only matches where I want to go with my photography but also makes the time I spend working on the images worthwhile from a business perspective. Otherwise I run the risk of losing steam, getting sloppy, and devaluing what I want to achieve in the long term.

It's been an interesting and fun 12 months on this ride so far but I'm tired and I feel it - which is not a good place to be when you need to pour your passion and enthusiasm into your work. I've loved every one of my photo sessions (32 in 9 months) and have learned so much but now I feel I need some space. Some time to do some workshops, attend some seminars, and experiment with different techniques. At the same time, I don't want to stop doing sessions. I want to BUILD this business still. I want to move forward. I just wish I could press pause for a while.

Let's not even get into: the time away from my daughter (both mentally and physically); the strain on my husband and our relationship (do we have one right now?); the fact that my relationship with my parents has pretty much paired-down to seeing them as I drop off/pick-up my daughter; the housework and laundry that rarely gets done; the fact I haven't watched a TV program in months and have very little idea of what's going on in the world; and the short-term memory lapses that result from being spread too thin and that drive everyone in the family crazy.

No, this is not a woe-is-me post. I am not seeking sympathy. These things just are. They're a reality, a trade-off to pursue a dream, and I have to take note of them before they spiral out of control. I've been out of balance and I need to fix that.

So, I feel in a bit of a quandry. I'm sure it's not unique and I'm sure I'll push through it but I'm trying to absorb everything I am feeling, process it, and turn it into positive action.

I'll share as I go along. Of course, advice is always appreciated.

Random crap

Literally.

After seeing so many beautiful photos of the every day (like this), I have decided I need to get better at taking photos of things that are not people's faces. I love people and, honestly, I really have little desire to shoot anything else. I just can't summon the enthusiasm and don't "see" the shot in my head, the way I do when I look at a person.

BUT, I don't just shoot for me any more and I am beginning to notice a samey-ness about my people photos. So, I'm hoping that by finding creative ways to find beauty in inanimate objects around me, I can somehow enrich my people photos too. Faces are great but people with context tell stories.

Hopefully that makes sense.

So, today my mission was to take pictures of "stuff" around me. Anything. To let go of waiting for the shot to appear interesting (because I've already admitted that is not gonna happen naturally) and to snap away.

I put my camera next to me on my desk and, as work allowed, I grabbed these images of random crap, mostly in my office.



























Ok, so my mother and my daughter are not "random crap" and I sorta threw my daughter in there because she's cute, even though this picture is of her face. But, the point is, I tried, ya know?

Hopefully I'll get better at this as time goes on.

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In the spirit of random, I'm adding a random aside into this post.

Today I started the "New/Old Me" campaign. Whipping myself back into shape is the goal. (Yeah, another goal, as if I needed more things to work on.)

Ok, positive thoughts.

I'm taking it little by little. Today I decided: no more sugar in coffee, more water and herbal tea, and no wine until Friday. And I got up and worked out to an old exercise video. No excusing my lethargy by the rain.

I almost faltered on the wine. Daisy was in a hellish mood, recovering from a cold/flu and having not napped. As you can see, she fell asleep in the car on the way to Trader Joe's so I had to turn around and come home. Even if I'd stayed in the parking lot until she woke, I knew she would be in no mood to shop - she generally wakes up cranky and tearful these days, regardless of being sick or not. Of course, we got home, pulled into the driveway and the crying/whining started and pretty much didn't stop until 7:45pm when she conked out in bed.

Yeah, it took real will power not to pull that bottle out of the refrigerator.

Baby steps.

This week's mission: no sitting

I have been keeping a pain journal over the last week or so at the suggestion of my new physical therapist. Our goal, of course, is to try and determine what actions aggravate my pain symptoms.

So far it has not been incredibly helpful. My pain levels have always seemed to spike and subside without any real 'event' to pinpoint. The journal is mostly confirming this, although it is beginning to help us hypothesize some scenarios regarding my level of activity.

In short, I generally report better pain levels on days after being active. That is not to say hiking and running around like I used to (oh that would be wonderful again some day, but clearly not yet) but just days where I'm not sat at my desk for most of the day, the way I am M-F when at work. When I'm really busy, like last week, I can get so engrossed in what I'm doing that I can easily sit down one minute and, four hours later, look up to find I haven't moved, eaten, or drunk anything. When I do go to stand up again, my brain begins to clue-into the pain I have been ignoring, presumably because I'm always in some sort of pain and have become accustomed to putting it to one side most of the time, at least mentally, and when my brain is otherwise engaged. I also feel a slight clunk in my sacrum area (probably actually my S.I. joint, but I'm still learning to pinpoint exactly where that is) as if everything is trying to realign as I stand.

The mornings after these kinds of sitting days, I notice that I have more nerve pain (I have begun to differentiate now between nerve and muscle pain) in odd places, like down my leg into my knee, sometimes in my calf and ankle, up into my groin and psoas and often on the opposite side to my primary injury. It's not pain all at once, everywhere, but it's like someone is randomly poking you with a needle from the inside out, at different spots at different times, whether sitting and resting or standing and moving around.

This is not to say that I am pain free on days when I am active, or the day after. I definitely experience some of that same stabbing pain, only less, and some soreness in my muscles of my leg and lower back - more like a soreness, as I said, though, or a dull-ache - not the stabbing neuromuscular pain of other days.

So, my PT is hypothesizing that my SI joint issue is aggravated by compression and sagnation, meaning that sitting compresses my SI joint, putting pressure on it, and that my inflammation is made worse by periods of inactivity, where fluid has time to settle and build.

This would be good news if this was the case because the alternative would be that my joint is made worse my compression, load-bearing, and motion - meaning, sitting and laying down more would be the prescription. As someone who likes to be active and who, mentally, feels like this kind of prescription is a death sentence (almost literally), I am hoping against all hope that the first one is true.

My PT told me the story of a woman who was told by her surgeon that she needed back surgery but that, after the surgery, she would not be able to sit for some time because she would be pulling ont he muscles he cut through and would be hindering her healing. She was, understandably, pretty freaked out by this because the idea of completely eliminating sitting from her life for a while, was pretty daunting. So, she did something really smart: instead of waiting until after the surgery to figure this out, she decided to practice for a month before the surgery, by only laying, walking or standing for three weeks. You've probably already guessed what happened to her - after 3 weeks, she was cured. She had no back pain whatsoever and didn't need the surgery! Wow!

So, for the next week, my mission is to all-but completely avoid sitting. I'm going to stand at my pub table to work on my computer (as I am now) and if I need to rest I'll lay down or I'll walk around a bit to avoid stiffening up.

Meanwhile I'll keep up my walking now the weather is better, as a control, and see how my pain journal looks this time next week.

Of course, if this doesn't work, I'm going to have to try a week of not walking. However, based upon the fact that my symptoms have not got any better on this decreased activity plan that my PT has me on (and, in regards to the nerve pain, sometimes worse!) I'm going to guess (hope?) that it's the sitting thing that is my nemesis.

I'm also going to tape-up my hips while I'm standing and walking, again as my PT suggested. She did this to me last week and I had an instant feeling of relief and decompression in my lower back and sacrum area. (Further proof this is an SI joint issue, she says.)

My inflammation is not down yet but I'm hoping that we can get beyond that this week with this new plan because I've been doing my exercises 2-3 times a day, icing 3 times a day, changing the way I bend down and pick things up, and generally being very cognizant of my back, and yet nothing feels remotely better yet. I need some progress in order to feel like I'm on the right track and even the PT said that I should have started to feel some kind of incremental improvement by now. So, something is still wrong and unaddressed. I hope this is it.

Wish me luck and, if you're on FB and want to send me a nudge every once in a while to be sure I haven't forgotten myself and started sitting down again, go ahead!

On a completely unrelated note....

This weekend I FINALLY met a goal I have had for the last 2 years - I did a one day photography workshop with Penny Silvia, the photographer who has been taking pics of me, Joss, and Daisy since I was pregnant.

Although it was a crash course for amateurs in how to utilize your camera's settings and I definitely cannot claim pro status yet, I already found the information I learned incredibly helpful yesterday when the family went to Tahoe. I think I got some really cute pics of Daisy in the snow, that I am really proud of. Here is one I LOVE here, and you can see more in my photo set on Flickr, if you'd like to provide some feedback! :o)

Friday Motivation - Phase II, Week 3

I'm going to keep this one brief because I think that, ultimately, these posts are becoming a bit self-indulgent. However, it's helping me stay motivated to know that I have to check-in on this blog with my progress each week, so here goes...

(And yes, I did miss last week. Oops!)

Current Weight: 148.6lbs
Body Fat: 36%
Weight Lost this week: 1.2lbs
Total weight lost to date: 12.4lbs
Lbs to Goal: 3.6lbs
Fat % to Goal: 6%

Yay for me. Just under 4lbs to go to my pre-baby weight!

I had so much more to blog about this week - the election results in MA and the impact on the President's agenda (specifically healthcare), the kid who brought a gun to school being defended by the NRA, and the crazy weather to name a few. But, ultimately, I don't have time to sit and write about it these days. I thought about just throwing some rushed and random thoughts on this blog but some of the discussions require thoughtful posts.

I have found that, now I'm a mother, it's not that I care less about political or social issues but more that I don't have the brain or emotional space to let myself get embroiled in them.

So, this is all ya get for now...

Friday Motivation - Phase II, Week 1

Ok, now I'm really upping the pressure on myself.

The pic on the left is me about three months before my wedding in '06, tanned, skinny, hair perfect, and just made-up by my friend, Kim.

I'm posting the pic of me at the best shape of my life right now because I am upping the ante in the weight-loss stakes. Since I have another 10 weeks before I actually go to Jamaica, I'm setting myself new goals

Henceforth, we're embarking upon Friday Motivation PHASE II (cue theme tune to Rocky).

We begin with good news - I have broken the 150lbs barrier... JUST. (I guess that holiday stress and sickness was good for SOMETHING.)

Now it's time to focus a little less on pounds and a little more on strength, tone, and muscle conditioning.

Therefore, my goal before March 20 is not only to lose those remaining 5 pounds but also to shed an additional 7% of my current body fat, getting me to the top-end of what should be healthy for a woman of my age. Or, in real terms, this means I need to lose, and/or transition to muscle, 11.5lbs of body fat. (Gulp.)

Current Weight: 149.8lbs
Weight Lost To Date: 11.2lbs
Current Body Fat %: 37%
Goal Weight: 145lbs
Goal Body Fat %: 30%
Weeks to Goal: 10

Here's to me making 2010 the best shape of my life!

Skipping the kvetch

I had planned to recap my two weeks vacation from hell but, as I started to write it in my head this past weekend, I realized I was actually quite done with my own misery and very ready to move on.

So, for those of you who are not connected to me on FB, here is the non-emotional, non-kvetchy version, just to get you up-to-speed:

• December 18th - last day of work
• December 19th - Mum rushed to hospital with broken hip
• December 20th - Mum has partial hip replacement surgery. Vacation to Jamaica cancelled.
• December 20th - 23rd - rushing to-and-from the hospital and trying to get everything ready for Xmas, especially since I would now be hosting @ Mum and Dad's house.
• December 23rd - Mum home from hospital
• December 25th - Christmas a success - yay!
• December 26th - 29th - blissful four days of no drama.
• December 30th - Daisy projectile vomits
• December 31st - Daisy projectile vomits in her crib. Plan to skip midnight and go to bed early is skuppered by dogs barking at firecrackers. In bed @ 3am, get 4 hours of sleep. Ouch.
• January 1st - we all wake up sick with a killer stomach flu that leaves us rolling around on the floor in misery. Hubby ends up in Emergency Room with dehydration. Daisy goes to urgent care but is told to ride it out.
• January 2nd - 3rd - nursing poor Daisy slowly back to health to avoid a recurrence of the vomiting cycle. Poor thing is mad and unhappy when awake but sleeps 18 out of 24 hours each day. Hubby and I thoroughly exhausted.

Yay ... and now I'm back to work and very happy to be there. So, let's move on with some positivity.

My favorite things from 2009...

• Events: Daisy being born. Mum and Dad moving out here.
• TV: Modern Family - a comedy show that actually makes me laugh - yay! Vampire Diaries - my Thursday night guilty pleasure.
• Music: Adam Lambert's new CD. I'm playing it endlessly. I don't really care that he kissed some guy on TV, btw, so don't even go there.

What I'm planning to achieve in 2010...

1. That photography class - finally! Oh, and probably a Photoshop class too. I'd like to be taking my friends' family's holiday pics in October/November for some extra cash.
2. Health for my hip - mission one is strengthen and prevent injury. First step: change doctors and medical groups. Get a different perspective. Watch this space.
3. Better health for my finances - sell the Altima, reduce my credit card debt, watch what I spend, go on mini-vacations instead of big ones in '10. Save.
4. Sell more @ work. Move some mountains. Find the fire to reach my potential in my current job.
5. Rebook my vacation to Jamaica and get the hell out of dodge. (This doesn't count against #3 because the money is already spent.)
6. Work in the back yard with Hubby and make it a great play space for Daisy in 2010.
7. Go through every room and every cupboard in the house and throw out unnecessary crap. Organize and declutter.
8. Continue the weight loss process and focus more on strength/muscle-tone. Get bikini abs for #5.
9. Enjoy Daisy. Love my husband. Spend time with my parents. Appreciate the ones I love.

And with that, I bid you a Happy New Year. Hope your 2010 turns out to be everything you hoped it would be when that clock stuck midnight. For me, I was just hoping for a good night's sleep, so it's only up from there!