Bad tech mojo

This is the final installment in the sorry story of my attempt to purchase a hulking new desktop PC (aka: The Hulk), to help me with my budding photography business.

If you're new to the Ranty Pants world, you may want to check out this post first and then this post, just to get up to date. Or, not. It was bad enough to go through this technology hell, without having to read about it.

Sooo... leading off from waiting for the replacement graphics card; let me make this as painless as possible for you.

It arrived on time.

Woot.

It made no difference.

FUCK!
(Sorry, Mum. Some things just call for expletives.)

So, I called HP back again. They made the genius assessment that it wasn't the graphics card that was faulty (ahem) and that the PC had to be returned. No kidding. BUT... I bought it from Amazon.com so it was out of their hands.

On to Amazon.com. They have a very nice user interface for establishing eligibility of your order for refund/replacement and to help you instantly request a return. Thanks, Amazon. Used it and got an instant confirmation that they would be picking up the defective desktop the next day. However the email mentioned nothing about the replacement PC.

So onto Amazon Live Chat support. Very nice customer service there, by the way, Amazon scoring 10/10 so far. Lady was very apologetic, said that she couldn't see the replacement order in the system and would place it for me there and then while I waited AND would even have it shipped overnight. Wow. Seriously? Without me asking? Knock me down dead with a feather!

I was a bit worried, however, that there would be a duplicate order. She assured me there would not be. I copied the contents of my chat panel into a Word doc and saved it, trusting soul that I am.

This was yesterday. And so we're at today.

The PC arrived first thing this morning by FedEx. (If it was possible for Amazon to get an 11/10, they would have it.) Kewl beans. Then the UPS truck arrived in the afternoon to pick up the return. More beans. Except... they also had a replacement desktop to deliver. Umm... HELLO!? Am I not psychic? (Alright, maybe the word I was looking for was psychotic.) Of course, I turned that one away, pointing to the newly delivered desktop sitting just feet away. Once you sign for those things, you're responsible for returning them and I don't have time to go through all this again.

I'm hoping (praying) that there will not be another story to tell about how I got charged twice or something for these orders.

Excited, however, I decide to spend my lunch hooking up the *new* new Hulk to the monitor. Big smiles. Lots of expectations. Turn it on and... NOTHING. That's right. Not a sausage. Still no picture. WTF!? Monitor still reads "No Signal" (although, again, having the right inputs and working fine with my laptop.)

At this point I could only conclude that either:

1. HP REALLY DOES suck and is shipping one dud desktop after another (not likely, no matter how much I hate them right now.)
2. OR it's the monitor that is somehow not compatible, despite having all the right specs on paper. 

Since the simplest explanation is usually the best, I went with two and immediately moved into action. Obviously, I needed to suck it up and buy a new monitor. Spend $200 to take advantage $800 and all that. (Yeah, I know, GULP.) I had a return for Fry's electronics and decided to bite the bullet that lunchtime, by a new damn monitor and end this whole sorry story then and there.

With purpose and fast feet (because, you know, this is my lunch time and I DO HAVE a job other than being my own tech support department) I waltzed into Fry's and all-but launch myself at the salesman. 

"I need a good quality monitor for under $200; the best specs at that price, no preference on brand, and I need to get out of here as soon as possible," I say. 

I mean, am I NOT the dream customer or what? I have announced my immediate intention to buy, I've shared my goals and my price limit, all the guy has to do is find it and put it in my cart. If I could get prospects like this every day at work, I would HAVE my own tech support department.

Initially the sales guy was helpful, leading me to a wall of monitors of dizzying proportions and immediately up-selling me to an LED LCD from a plain-ole LCD. He recommended one in particular, showed me it in action on my actual desktop, and then set off to grab it from inventory. In the meantime, I found another monitor, same specs, for $20 less. So, when I came back I asked him why I he hadn't recommended the cheaper one. He was apparently grateful for my research because the initial one wasn't in stock. So off he went again to check on the cheaper one. Not in stock. So I agreed to go up $40 in price. Not in stock. Then I went to an inferior brand. Not in stock. Repeat.

Five displayed monitors later and I had single-handedly established that they did not have an LED monitor under $200 in stock. Nuttin' 

Of course, I was now PISSED. And if you've ever seen me really pissed, it's not pretty. It doesn't happen very often, funnily enough - despite being passionate and feisty, I rarely lose my temper - but when it happens it is an unstoppable tornado of wrath and destruction. In this instance, I was dealing with more than a week of technology issues, almost $1,000 spent and more in the works, time out of my day(s), my life, and still no benefit. I just wanted it to be over and I had SO pinned my hopes on grabbing a simple thing like a monitor and heading home to start up my new computer, putting this all behind me.

And so there were choice words to the hapless salesman and a stop by the Manager on the way out to let them know just what kind of establishment they were running. As I walked through the exit, a representative said "Thank you! Have a nice day!" and I stopped in my tracks, turned heel and gave him an icy "YOU MUST BE KIDDING!" stare. If looks could kill, I'd be in jail for second degree murder right now. Ahem.

On the way home, stewing about my lost hour, I saw the Target sign and did an impromptu, quick u-turn. TARGET! Why didn't I think of that!? Target has everything, right? I would stop at Target, find my monitor at a decent price and turn this day around. Yes sireee. Things were looking up.

Again, run into Target with same sense of purpose and determination only to find that.... Target sells precisely 3 different monitor models, none larger than 20" and all of which are inferior brands.

STRIKE 2. (Or at this point, maybe we should just call it game over.)

Now I was forced to abandon my monitor search, since I had to get back to my desk.

Sitting at my desk in my office, however, I happened to look up and see the Dell LCD TV that my mother bought me several years ago. On impulse, I got up and looked behind it to see what kinds of inputs it had. Low and behold it had a DVI socket which meant... you guessed it... it should work with the desktop!

My heart raced. Would THIS WORK? Would this be the answer to my problems?

And then I realized: I don't have a DVI cable. 

FUUUUUUCK! (Again, sorry Mum and to anyone else who is offended. No other word had the gravitas.)

Fortunately, Hubby came to my rescue here, likely because he foresaw some kind of implosion this evening if I couldn't get this whole situation put to bed. He went to Best Buy and brought home the appropriate cable. My little White Knight.

This evening, after we put Daisy to bed, we unhooked the LCD TV from my office, hooked the desktop to it with the new DVI cable and... HEY PRESTO, there was the start-up screen.

Now, if you've been following along from the beginning, a very sad irony may already have occurred to you. If not, let me spell it out for you clearly:

1. This likely means that the first desktop was not faulty.
2. So all this time I had another usable "monitor"sitting upstairs in my office...
3. ... and a perfectly operational new desktop PC sitting idle on my dining room table for a week.

Which means all of this was for nothing. All my time, all the Live Chats, the phone calls, the cable switcheroo, the replacement parts, the returns, the duplicate replacement orders... all unneeded.

I ordered a new monitor anyway, since the LCD TV is only 17" and I like to have it in my office as a TV. 

And how is The Hulk after all this build up? So far meeting expectations. Instantaneous start-up and connection to the internet, fast loading of my two most important programs, and a lovely keyboard that feels good under my fingers.

For now, the drama is behind me. It made good blog posts but that's just about all that was good about it.

Now off to have that third glass of wine.

Google Stats bring out the inner geek in me

I may be creative at heart but I also harbor an inner geek. Which makes me just LOVE looking at surveys and reports. (Not the type with too many numbers, of course. Numbers = STRESS INDUCING = BAD.)

So, aaaaanyway... loving the Blogger Stats feature for my blog, especially since nobody (*hint-hint*) ever comments on my posts any more. (Elena, this does not apply to you. Thanks buddy! Everyone else - SHAME ON YOU!)

Since I am a "featured blogger" on The Skinny Scoop this week, I was interested to see how my stats have changed so far. The short answer is that they haven't (yet?) but then it is only Monday so maybe my expectations are slightly high?

What I did find was this awesome run-down of Google Search terms used that generated hits to my page:

Search Keywords

ms ranty pants

tucker for target

wedding giveaway

buttocks relegated from shallow pants

eilat teens

haggin oaks park

haggin oaks train sacramento

list of things i love

memories by michelle carter mcdaid

miss ranty pants blog
their own bad play, we play together, not pants

Of course, there are the usual suspects but I had to laugh at "tucker for target," "buttocks relegated from shallow pants," and "their own bad play..." All of which get a big HUH!? from yours truly. Totally random. Do I really talk about target and asses that much? Or at all?

-----
In other news, if you've been following my posts about "The Hulk", I should report briefly that:

1. The replacement graphics card did not fix the issue. Fortunately, it was not the 46,000 step process I feared. 3 screws and a pop-out, pop-in. Still broke.
2. HP Support still sucks.
3. Amazon.com rocks - they're sending out "The Hulk v.2." overnight, so I should have it tomorrow and ALL BEFORE they send for a pick-up of "The Hulk v.1" Of course, they do have my credit card number so if I'm telling big fibs and trying to land a second PC for free, they will just charge me again. But it's the service that counts. Overnight! Yay! Maybe my PC luck is changing? (PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!)

Update on the Hulk

For those of you who have been following my harrowing ordeal with The Hulk, I thought I would provide a brief update: THE HULK IS BROKE.

That's right. The damn thing won't display a pinprick on a monitor. $900, out of the box, nothing.

Oh, and HP SUCKS.

I am currently waiting for a *new* (not that the old one was even old) graphics card to arrive. The man in India said it would take 3-5 days, which is just BEYOND frustrating, because that means that, although I paid for the computer and had it rush-shipped to me, it is essentially sitting useless on my dining table for at least a week.

Money gone from my account without any benefit makes me MAD.

Then, when said graphics card arrives, I have to remove the old one myself and put the new one in, which has all kinds of potential for Ranty Pants tantrums. However, if the damn thing works after that, I'm sure I'll forget it pretty fast.

IF.

Of course, we don't actually KNOW it's the graphics card because, you know, we can't get the PC to display anything on the screen to even run any diagnostics. For all we know, the whole CPU could be a pile of junk. In which case, I'm told, I have to take it to a HP certified technician for repair.

HOLD ON. I paid $900 for a NEW computer, not a refurbished one. And I paid to have it now. Not 3 weeks from now.

There is going to be one big RantyPanty tantrum if it goes that far because I'm going to want a whole new unit. Even if it means I have to hold Carly Fiorina hostage for her blackberry, just so I can hunt down the decision maker at HP who can make it happen. (Of course, there is an added benefit here - it would get her off the airwaves, so maybe I'd make it drag out a bit.)

Suffice to say, we all praying it's the graphics card.

The Hulk took up a bulk of my time

As you know (or should, if you've been paying attention), I bought a big ole hulking (ergo "Hulk") desktop PC this past weekend.

I bought it online and was soooooooooooper excited for it to arrive via my free Amazon Prime 2 Day Shipping, yesterday. I had visions of plugging this lightening-fast beast into the monitor, switching it on, installing my software at a rate so fast I would barely have the opportunity to blink, and then be able to get back to editing all those photos I took and that are just sitting dormant right now. (Sorry friends who are waiting!)

Um, yeah, right. NOT!

The Hulk arrived on time (yay for Amazon - never lets me down) and switched on but.... wouldn't connect to my monitor."No Signal" greeted me all evening which basically meant I could do nothing. Of all the steps I expected to send my evening sideways, this was not it.

Checked the computer specs; yup, VGA monitors work with supplied adapter. Started, re-started, unplugged, re-plugged... then moved onto the dreaded customer "support" via online chat.

60 minutes later and Anil from India had offered the mind-bogglingly technical advice of:

• Switch on and off both computer and monitor
• Try a different cable
• Ship a different adapter

Yes, it took a whole hour to get through that. (Please don't ask me why/how, I might just cry.)

In the meantime (as in, while I was waiting for hapless Anil to scroll through his on-screen script), I Googled the different kinds of video connectors and educated myself on HDMI vs. DVI (I-D-A) vs. VGA. (Remember: I've used a laptop exclusively for 7-10 years. Monitors are a mystery to me.)

BTW, poor customer service is exactly why my mind is awash in random information I have self-researched and why I am a jack of all trades and master of none. 

So, in short, I have a DVI graphics card, a HDMI or DVI-I connector on the back of my CPU and a VGA monitor. The DVI to VGA adapter SHOULD make the connection but it's not. It could be the adapter, it could be the VGA cable (wihich is an after-market product.) Hence, I need to buy either a VGA-HDMI or VGA-DVI cable today. And if all that fails, I'm going to throw my hands up in the air and fork out the $250 or so to buy a monitor with a DVI and/or HDMI port.

By the way, I have NOTHING against Indians. Some of my best friends were and are Indians. It really had no bearing on the end result that Anil was Indian, per se. What bothers me is that American companies ship their customer service out to India for cheap labor, provide minimal training, and essentially turn those poor folk into robots who can do nothing more than trouble-shoot via a computerized decision-tree. If Anil was Indian, understood computers, was well trained, and was using his own expertise to solve my problem, I would have liked him just fine.

More later... after I've purchased cables.

A weekend without pictures

ZeGads! That's right. I did not pick up my DSLR once this weekend. In fact, my memory card is still sitting beside my computer in it's reader, having dumped another 300 or so pics on Friday night.

This weekend, I left the pics to a real pro, Penny Silvia. We met her at Ocean Beach in San Francisco for our annual family portrait. I say annual like we've been doing it for years when in fact this is only really year two and year one was full of shoots after welcoming Ms. Daisy into the world. Penny has been taking pics of Missy since she was in my belly. We did maternity, newborn, 6 months, one year, and are now on the annual plan. Since I take an unholy number of pics of my daughter on her own already for photo practice, our goal for our Fall beach shoot was family pics, which we have fewer of for obvious reasons.

Of course, Missy DID NOT get the memo on that.

Daisy took one look at that deserted stretch of sand and took off. And that pretty much sums up the shoot. Us, chasing Daisy up and down the sand. In typical toddler fashion, the only direction she wanted to run was with the wind at her back, which does not work well for photo shoots, especially when your mumma's hair is long. So, there was lots of cajoling and kicking and fitting as we attempted to redirect her, mostly to no avail.

Even Penny, who is a pro at shooting kiddos, was having trouble keeping up with her. She would run ahead of us, look down at her camera to get exposure, and then turn back only to find Daisy blowing by her, arms flailing. I have absolute faith that Penny got some great shots but we made her work for them and I'm sure glad I wasn't shooting us.

Talking of shooting...I had another photo shoot with friends this past Friday. I think I got some great shots but I am presently unable to verify given that my computer has pretty much crapped out on me. It's 6 years old and decided that it wants nothing to do with any program other than Google Chrome. Any attempt to open a photo editing program like Lightroom or Photoshop, results in little gray warning windows popping up all over the place. Basically, my scratch disk is full and despite defragging, compressing, and deleting, I am only able to free up enough space to open a photo, not actually do anything with it. And when I do, it's mind-numbingly slow anyway. (I'm also missing a "Ctrl" key which hints at how often I've done the "Ctrl-Alt-Del")

So, I had to take a deep breath on Friday night and buy a new computer. I knew the day was coming, I was just hoping I could eek this thing out a little longer, maybe make some money on the photography and then put that towards my "ultimate" dream Mac. My hand was forced, however, and I do not have $3k to spend on my dream computer right now. Nor can I devote the time or money toward retooling myself for the Mac world. Therefore, I cringed and bought a desktop PC. Yes, a desktop. Why? Because I can get 8GB of RAM, 1TB of hard drive, a 945MHZ processor, and a great graphics card all for under $1,000. And the RAM is upgradeable to 16GB, which means I'll have some legs on the thing. Am I thrilled about having one of those hulking CPUs on my dining room table? Nope. I haven't had a desktop in probably 10 years. But needs must and this is a need that musted.

Once I have the Hulk up and running, crap cleared off my ailing laptop, I'm going to take it into the Geek Squad or something, to have them tune it up. I still want to have a laptop around for basic stuff, so I can be more mobile when I'm blogging or surfing the internet. Plus, this thing has been through it with me. I bought it for myself as a 30th birthday gift, back when it was Dell's top of the line model, then I took my frustrations out on it a couple of years ago and killed the motherboard and it hasn't really been the same since, bless it.