Monday, January 25, 2010

A shout out to my ass

Yes, I said ass. Don't get all hot and bovvered, people. It's just an ass.

But, I had to post something about it because this weekend I had an awesome ass experience.

Now, if you're a woman (which most of my readers are), you'll know that positive posterior moments don't come around too often, especially after about 28, certainly not as you're careening quickly towards 40, and even less likely (with all that age crap taken into account) after you've had a baby within the last 12 months.

BUT. I. HAD. ONE. (A good moment, not a baby. We already knew that.)

I know, absolutelyfreakin amazing.

So, you ask, what has instigated this sudden self-lovin'?

Well, this weekend I went shopping with a girlfriend and found myself in Gap, a store which I don't usually shop in. Why don't I shop there? Well, it's basically a more expensive Old Navy and, since I like Old Navy just fine thankyouverymuch, I usually pass Gap by. But either which way, Old Navy or Gap, I only ever by tops there. Pants and jeans from these two establishments, I have found, tend to be made for tweens with boyish figures and stick-insect legs. To get my thighs to sausage-squeeze into their pant legs, I usually have to suffer the indignity of going up two sizes and, even then, wind-up with four inches of leg and two inches of waist too much. In short (or long, in this case), these places don't make pants for a short and hippy English gal.

But my friend, who just had a baby two months ago (and who looks absolutelyfricken amazing already by the way - gag) wanted to try on her first pair of post-baby jeans and I thought it would be a good mark of friendship to undergo the dreaded jean try-on along with her. (I mean, let's face it, next to buying a swimsuit, trying on jeans has to be the next most depressing activity for the average woman.)

Expecting disappointment galore, I picked out two different pairs of jeans in a size 12. (Even when I was at my most svelte, fitting into anything other than a size 8 or 10 jeans in this country proved to be a stretch.)

And I put them on....

And they were...


Gulp. WTF? This never happens this way! Joy of delicious joy, I had to go back for a size smaller!!!!

I put on the size 10s in the shortie length (aka: "Ankle" in Gap) and they fit snug as a bug in a rug - even the length was perfect! I looked in the mirror and I have to say I did not look too shabby at all. Ok, so I'm no Angelina Jolie, but my derrier definitely looked good, my waistband fitted and sitted perfectly (no muffin top!), and there was nothing sausagey at all going on in the thigh department. In fact, after wearing them for an afternoon, I venture to say that I probably could have made it into an 8, if I were so inclined to suffer through an hour or two of stretching time after each wash. (Which, I'm not. I'm past suffering for vanity.)

Of course, I purchased them immediately, despite my vow not to buy too much. Drats, some things you just gotta do for your ego, you know?

On the down side, I should mention that the words "Curvy" did appear in the name of the style AND I wound-up feeling kind of bad for my friend. She didn't have the same positive experience with her jeans as I did and walked away with nothing while I stood in front of the mirror, eyeing my ass with a pleased look on my face. So much for scoring friend points!


e said...

Well, darling, that is wondermous. Isn't that the most exciting feeling ever? As for your friend, she already looks great 2 months after her baby, not finding the right jeans on this one trip will not kill her. I'm sure on the next trip she will find the right pants. I think your friendship is safe.

Urban Koda said...

Did you consider 'Asstacular' as a title for this post?

TravelVixen said...

No but I should have done. Evidently I was more focused on my rear than my creativity.

cjmonkey said...

I was there and your ass did look great!! And e is right, I bought me some new ass-lovin' jeans yesterday and our friendship is safe. You definitely influenced my ASSpirations... xoxoox

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