Unafraid

I am afraid of snakes.

I am afraid of large bodies of water.

I am afraid of things in large bodies of water. Especially fish or other large things in the body of water - like ships.

What I am NOT afraid of, is making mistakes.

I am quite happy to **ck up once in a while. Ok, more than once in a while.

I figure: "So what?" I got smarts, I got know-how, I got the ability to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. I don't know all the answers but I'm willing to ask the questions and to never quit learning.

Do you know what kinds of people have made the most mistakes? The most successful ones. I learned this lesson first in a way that was real to me, from reading the autobiography of Richard Branson, Losing My Virginity. The man lived on the edge. He was willing to lose everything to gain something significant. He compromised on details but never on his dreams or his vision.

In this cultural environment of austerity and sacrifice, I fear that we are losing the gumption, the BALLS, to strive for more in our life.

Many of us have lost real and important things - jobs and houses being the most obvious - with real and sad consequences. But I worry that our generation has lost a lot more than that: the drive to push boundaries, to do great things, and the tolerance for risk to make it happen.

I hope not but I worry. Because I, for one, would rather go down in a ball of flames, having explored every nook and cranny of my life and my world, than live life at a slow burn, forever afraid to stoke the fire.

30 things I love

As you know, unless you're new to this blog or have had your head in the sand, I have just started my own little photography business "on the side".  I'm super excited about this, of course, but also full of gut-wrenching doubt. I know I am just learning right now but I *believe* that I have some raw talent to work with and, since I learn best by doing - trial and lots of error - I've been putting myself out there with friends and family for shoots.

Much of the time I feel good about what I do, given the knowledge and experience I have (as in, not a lot.) The doubt part comes in when I look at what other photographers are doing. Folks like Jinky Art (my photography idol), or Beth Jansen, or locally Jill Carmel, Penny Silvia, and Kira Lauren just take my breath away. Barb from Jinky because what she does with light and color is just dreamy and heart-wrenching. Beth because of her saturated color and quirky set-ups. Jill's bright, creamy skin-tones. The truth and honesty and heart in Penny's images. And Kira's artistic eye. So much to learn. So far to go.

Anyway, I digress... the reason for this post was a dilemma I faced when I was setting up the profile for my Zenfolio page, the online site where I plan to hopefully sell a couple of snaps.

I was thinking about what to write to give my profile personality, a sense of me and who I am other than just a photographer. I decided to start with a list of things I like/love. What amazed me, given I'm a bit of a sarcastic bitch with a tendency for bemoaning my lot in life (thank the British gene for that), is how many things I do actually love.

The result is this unedited list and so I wanted to share it with you.

Ms. Ranty Pant Hearts:
(in absolutely no discernable order whatsoever and by no means exhaustive)

1. Being a mom. Waaaay more fun than I ever expected. Waaaay more time-consuming and all-engrossing.
2. Being a wife. I love my husband. He is my best friend, my team-mate, my partner in life. I can't see any me without him.
3. Dipping my finger in a jar of new peanut butter.
4. Crazy English food like baked beans on toast, bangers and mash, saveloys, chip butties, sausage rolls, Shepherds Pie, Yorkshire Pudding, Bisto Gravy, fish and chips, my mother's baked potatoes, over-cooked vegetables, and jacket potatoes with tuna salad.
5. Chocolate Milk (the Nesquik kind)
6. Sweet, strong coffee first thing in the morning
7. Driving in the summer (which to me is, ideally, 80 degrees) with the windows down and my favorite tunes blaring on the radio
8. Fall and Spring
9. Clothes shopping with my Mum
10. Big cities. LONDON. Everything about it. Good and bad. My heart beats a little faster, my smile becomes a little wider, my energy peaks... God I miss that place.
11. Travel. I like all kinds but a special place is reserved in my heart for foreign travel. The different sights, smells, tastes, culture. The feeling of being a little lost and discombobulated, never knowing what lies around the corner.
12. Cooking my signature winter pot roast or Shepherds Pie on a fall afternoon, glass of wine in hand, and a favorite movie playing in the background. (Haven't done this in a while. See #1)
13. Smelly candles.
14. Writing. Blogging.
15. My friends. I'm an only child and so they are like sisters/brothers to me.
16. Clothes/fashion. Although, working from home, I don't indulge as much as I used to. Hard to justify the expense when the only person who sees you is you. But I'm getting back on the saddle again. I just bought my first pair of skinny jeans. That's right, thunder thighs in skinny jeans. I'm learning to love this.
17. Social media. Facebook and twitter help me keep my sanity in my little upstairs home office.
18. Weight training. I love to feel strong. After my back injury and pregnancy it's been a long road getting back to that place but I'm working on it every day.
19. Soaps and creams that smell like the tropics - coconut, mangoes, pineapple. Yummy.
20. Bob Marley on a summer afternoon.
21. Jamaica. Makes me feel IRIE!
22. Martinis. Not the dirty kind though. Faves are apple, lemon-drop, peach. (The Georgia Peach martini at Ruby Tuesday is my current treat.)
23. The little gadget I bought that helps me take off the foil wrap around the top of the wine bottle quickly and efficiently. Changed my life by decreasing time-to-mouth; important these days of diminished time-to-self (see #1).
24. Throwing parties. Hubby and I love to host... when we have time. (See #1)
25. Sushi. Specifically anything with soft shell crab and that orgasmic orange sauce stuff. Drooooooooooool.
26. Girlfriend chatter. 
27. Home decorating. (Although you'd never know it looking at my house now. See #1.)
28. Movies. Haven't been to nearly as many as I used to. (See #1) Favorite movies include: Love Actually, Notting Hill, Sliding Doors, Shakespeare in Love, 50 First Dates, all the Bourne Films, all the Oceans films, Twilight Saga, Interview With A Vampire...
29. Reading out on my swing on a cool, fall afternoon. Favorite books: Eat Pray Love, The Female Nomad, Twilight Saga, The Other Boleyn Girl, The Memoirs of a Geisha... I could go on and on. Favorite book of ALL TIME? The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. Hit all my hot buttons: travel, history, religious intrigue, and VAMPIRES!
30. Vampires. See #28 and #29. Also a big fan of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and The Vampire Diaries.

So now you know a little bit more about me. What would you put on your list?