Giddy

For the last year, Hubby and I have been toying with purchasing a new mattress. Or, more specifically, Hubby has been saying that our back/leg/hip pain (he has some too) is probably, at least in part, related to the fact that we have been sleeping on a 10 year old, $400 IKEA mattress from my bachelorette days.

I, however, have been resistant. This mattress has been through it with me, ya know? It came with me to my first house where I lived on my own after my divorce and has followed me from Southern California up to Northern California, for a total of 6 moves in 10 years. Like my dog, Frankie, and the entertainment center in my front room, it's my buddy. (Don't tell Frankie I likened him to a mattress and a piece of furniture, however. He'll just growl.)

But, after analyzing our aches and pains in the hotel on Sunday morning, we decided that a visit to the mattress store was in order. So, we packed-up baby and drove out to Sleep Train on Sunday afternoon.

Prior to accepting that I really did need to fork-out hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars for a new mattress, I had done some research online and asked around a bit about what mattresses are good for people with bad backs and hips. Resoundingly, with only a couple of notable exceptions, I heard Tempur-Pedic was the way to go.

So, at Sleep Train, napping baby in stroller, we jumped right on a TP mattress and were instantly sold - the perfect mix of softness and support! We then tried all the traditional mattresses, going through the "mattress tour" that the salesman takes you on to discern if you're a softie or a firmie. (We're firmies, btw.) Unfortunately, it kind of reminded me of going shopping for my car 6 years ago: I got in the fastest, top-of-my-price-range car on my list first and, well, couldn't very well accept anything less after that.

I can see how some people just wouldn't dig the Tempur-Pedic feel - the salesman said that some of his customers felt like they were laying in mud - because when you first lay on it, it's pretty flat and firm but then, slowly, you begin to feel the mattress conform around your body, softening in all the high-pressure spots. So, when you change positions, for the first ten seconds, your body continues to move with the mattress, as body and mattress settle-in together. I'm imagining it will take US some time to get used to as well but the bottom line was that every other mattress we layed on after the TP felt either bouncy and unsupportive or like an immovable rock.

Once we were convinced on a TP mattress, I knew we were in for a quite a shopping spree; Queen-size TP mattresses begin in the low $1,000s. Fortunately for us, we actually didn't like the 'sloppiness' and the high-profile of the more expensive models (I like to sleep as close to the floor as possible) and, instead, settled on the "Advantage" bed and foundation. Better still, we were able to get the floor model for $300 off and buy two absolutely heavenly, $100 latex pillows for 1/2 off.

I know there are some of you out there who would die before purchasing a mattress that had been layed on by a bunch of strangers but, what can I say, we actually thought it was a benefit - we saved money and the bed was already broken in for us. (The TP usually takes 6-8 weeks to break in, during which time it is not at it's most comfortable and, oddly enough, it emits a strange smell, we're told!.)

Once we'd done the deal, we spent the last two nights feeling pretty depressed to get into our old bed and, this morning, we woke up all giddy that we would be getting our new bed today. Email exchange from me and Hubby this morning:

Subject: I hope I'm not making too big a deal about it.....

Hubby: But I can’t wait for the bed to be delivered! It’s like
we’re getting a new car or something…
Me: Me too! we should be careful not to set ourselves up for
disappointment; it may take some getting used to!

... later...

Me: It will be here in 20 to 30 minutes.... soooooooooo
excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hubby: Now, now, it may take some time to get used too…….I’m so excited
too!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: This is sad.

Indeed.

So, we have the bed now and problem #1 is that it's like 4 feet off the floor (see below pic). What with the bed frame, the mattress base, and the mattress, I'm going to have to consider it part of my workout routine, just getting in bed at night. As I said earlier in this post, I don't like high beds - I like to swing my feet off the side and plant them firmly on the floor - so we're going to have to compromise and take the slats off the bottom of the bed frame and just use the base directly on the floor. Not ideal, but still.





















My mother also pointed out to me that, with the current set-up, I'll need all new bedding because it won't reach any further than the depth of the mattress, leaving the bed base and frame exposed. Given that we just spent almost $2k on the new mattress, new bedding is not viable in the near future.

So, some adjustments to be made.

Tomorrow: A report from the inner sanctum: First night on the TP bed.

3rd Anniversary Celebration

Although our actual anniversary isn't until Wednesday (the 11th), Hubby and I decided to do something this past weekend to celebrate.

Those of you who were around on December 2nd, 2005, know that we got engaged on the roof of the exclusive Sutter Club in Downtown Sacramento, at a Lyon Real Estate Christmas Party (during the days when the housing market was good and they had swank things like that.) That night we walked gleefully back to our hotel room at the Hyatt hotel, just opposite the Capitol building. (For those of you who don't know Sacramento well, the Hyatt is where Schwarzenegger stays when he's in town. ) It follows that the Hyatt has a pretty special place in our hearts. (Not because of Schwarzenegger but... ok, you probably got it.)

So, when we were thinking about what to do with ourselves this anniversary, we turned to a friend with "connections" at the hotel and landed ourselves a super-swank suite with a killer view of the Capitol from the 8th floor of the Hyatt for one night and at an unbelievable price.

We checked-in late on Saturday afternoon, had drinks and licked the plate of a bad-for-us appetizer (chips with stinky, melted Roquefort cheese) in the hotel bar and then head-out at the crazily late hour of 5:30 to meander around downtown and old town Sacramento. We browsed some shops, stopped for a drink in an Irish Pub and then walked back to an Asian restaurant we've been dying to try for a while called Ma Jong's, just up the street from our hotel. (I highly recommend it, by the way. Well-priced, seat-yourself restaurant with the feel and food of a high-end establishment. Yumm!) Then it was back to the hotel bar for a night-cap...and in our room by 8:30pm, where we languished on the couch watching the big-screen TV until we fell asleep.

And now for the really cool part that every parent out there will totally appreciate: we didn't get up until 9am. That's right. NINE. IN. THE. MORNING. Wow! Yes, that felt AWESOME!

Our final hoorah was a walk back up L street to my favorite breakfast spot, Crepeville where we got to sit outside in the cool, sunny weather, and have a side of people-watching with our scrambled eggs.

Random sightings of the weekend:

1. Two Jerry Garcia look-alikes on a deserted downtown street corner on Sunday morning, blasting reggae music and holding signs that said "One Love" and "Bring them Home" plus something about health care that was either for the public option or against it, not sure. Talk about mixed messages!
2. 100 cyclists dressed in period costume (circa 1930s/40s) and pedaling silently down L street. Later research revealed it to be Sacramento's first annual "Tweed Ride". Who knew it, but there is actually a club for people who shun the modern bicycle uniform of tight-fitting Lycra! http://www.tweed.cc/

Overhead at breakfast:

"Sacramento is such a fascinating city!" Uttered, one can only assume, by someone who doesn't get around much.

Friday Motivation - Week 7: I needed good news!

Setting the table at our first anniversary/homewarming party - November 2007

Next week is our 3rd anniversary, so I thought the above picture was appropriate. It occurs to me that I seem to like a lot of pics of myself from the fall of '07. Innnnnteresting. I wonder how much of that is how much I weighed/how I looked and how much of it was how much of a good time I was having at that point in my life? Things to think about: does our inner happiness shine through in pictures and/or does our memory of the time the picture was taken affect the way we view the pic?

Anyway, this weeks stats.

CURRENT WEIGHT: 155.2lbs
WEIGHT LOST THIS WEEK: 1.0lb
TOTAL WEIGHT LOST TO DATE: 6lbs
CURRENT CLOTHING SIZE: 8-10
GOAL WEIGHT: 145lbs
GOAL CLOTHING SIZE: 6-8
NUMBER OF WEEKS TO GOAL: 7
LBS TO GOAL: 10.2lbs

Not as good as last week but not too shabby either, especially considering it's been a rough week and I could have turned to bad-for-me foods for comfort. Instead, I managed to add in more exercise than normal, including a very nice and cathartic lunchtime walk with a good friend. Instead of pigging out and spending money at a local restaurant, we donned our walking shoes and chatted while we walked around some local trails. Something I'll have to do/suggest more.

Bandwidth

My absence may have been telling - it has been a rough, emotional week.

Unfortunately, it's not something I can share on this blog (or fortunately, depending on your perspective to the issues at hand) or, I might add, even if you email me and beg for juicy details. Sometimes life presents you with situations that can't be translated into tittilating gossip - this is one of those situations.

One observation I've had during my less-than-stellar week is how much (or, more appropriately, little) bandwidth I have left in my life for "new stuff" these days. Between my hip/leg issues, being a mommy, trying to lose weight, and working full-time, there just isn't much "me" left at the end of the day for anything else. My emotional bandwidth is taken up and, as far as I can tell, I'm not eligible for an upgrade any time soon.

In turn, this lack of breathing room has brought my meltdown button closer to the surface.

Those of you who are FB friends with me know that I had one of those on Tuesday night after a bunch of superfluous issues that would not normally even prick at the surface of my emotional resilience, literally lampooned me and sent me over the edge.

Every now and then, but extremely rarely, I get to a level of frustration and anger that can no longer be contained and one of two things happens: I walk away stat or (if I miss the trigger and don't get out fast enough) I verbally or physically abuse someone or something. (The physical abuse usually happens to things, I might add - remember the battered motherboard that cost me $700 a year or so back?) Fortunately, this was one of those times where I reached the door in time. (Having a 7-month old napping in her room next door to you also has a tendency to change your judgment on when and where to freak out.)

This is one of those times in life when you can't just turn your back on the problem, you can't distance yourself, you can't opt-out, you must engaage because it's not only the right thing to do but also because you care too much about the people involved not to. So, I find myself only at a beginning, not an end.

And, what I realize is that I do have more bandwidth. From where, you might ask? Gimme some, right?

On Tuesday the tech person at work was talking about load balancers. For the technically inept of us, it's a machine that manages traffic to or from a number of servers. It's smart enough to know which of the servers have the most bandwidth left to handle the incoming traffic at any moment in time, and it sends the traffic to the least busy server to handle, thus ensuring that no one server ever becomes completely maxed-out.

It occurred to me today that, in life, our load balancers are our friends and family. For me, the person that showed up this week and who continues to show up for me in every way humanly possible during good times and bad, is my husband. Therefore, our marriage is like a load-balancer, taking the incoming traffic and distributing it wherever there is the most bandwidth. Last week I took some of his load, this week he took some of mine. We take whatever comes at us as a team, no matter which side it's coming from, and we field it together.

Last month marked 9 years that we have been together and next week is our 3 year wedding anniversary. We're going to be staying overnight in a hotel downown this weekend and, hopefully, clearing our collective bandwidth for another week and whatever it might bring.

The Art of Non-Confirmity

What I love about online networking sites is how you find out about the most interesting stuff that you would never otherwise have learned of. Whether it's mundane but insightful information about friends and acquaintances that would otherwise have passed-by in the daily grind of life, a special event in your local area you might have missed, a charity or cause that you hadn't heard of but are compelled to support, or a website that someone else became a fan of and that provided you with entertaining or interesting information, it's one of the few ways that technology has actually helped to enrich my life. I love it!

Today, for instance, I learned about The Art of Non-Confirmity, a blog and website that follows the travels and thoughts of one man, Chris Guillebeau. I would summarize what it was about this one man and his ramblings that drew me to him but I think it's best that I take the words right out of his mouth, from his blog. However, suffice to say, this man is my alter-ego in a parallel universe. He lives the life that I would have if I had been braver 10 years ago and made different choices. Of course, it's not too late for me to make those choices at some point in the future but, clearly, for many reasons, now is not my time.

Until it is, I shall live vicariously through his blog posts, which I'm sure are going to become a weekly favorite.

Here are the stated goals of Chris' blog and vocation....

The Art of Non-Conformity (AONC) project chronicles my writing on how to change the world by achieving significant, personal goals while helping others at the same time. In the battle against conventional beliefs, I focus on three areas: Life, Work, and Travel.

Twice a week (every Monday and Thursday) I write on at least one of those topics, and once in a while I profile other revolutionaries who are also changing the world through unconventional ways. You can follow along by RSS, email updates, or just by checking in here at the site.

More specifically:
I write about personal development and life design, with the conviction that you don’t have to live your life the way other people expect you to.

I write about entrepreneurship and other kinds of unconventional work, with the belief that the work we do should be both fun and meaningful.

I write about international travel, travel hacking in general, and my journeys to more than 25 countries every year.

The key theme that links each of these topics is nonconformity. I define non-conformity as “a lack of orthodoxy in thoughts or beliefs” or “the refusal to accept established customs, attitudes, or ideas.”

If you’re looking for specific examples of what this means in practice, take a look through the archives or most popular posts. Check it out for a while; you might like it. Or you might not, and that’s OK too.

All of the writing on the AONC site is presented freely with no advertising. If you’d like to support the project, join the small army.

Every Country in the World

The site also tracks my own stated goal for world travel. In my journeys so far I have visited more than 100 countries, and over the next five four years, I plan to visit every country in the world. You can view my current progress here.

World Domination

I’m interested in the convergence between highly personal goals and service to others. I use the metaphor of world domination (ruling and changing the world at the same time) to highlight all the things we can achieve when we choose to live with gratitude and purpose.

You can learn more about that subject in the Brief Guide to World Domination that has now been read by more than 100,000 people in 60 countries. The sequel, 279 Days to Overnight Success, provides a case study for anyone interested in building an alternative career using new media.

The essence of my philosophy is this:

1. You don’t have to live your life the way other people expect you to.
2. If you don’t decide for yourself what you want to get out of life, someone else will probably end up deciding for you.
3. There is usually more than one way to accomplish something.
4. You can do good things for yourself and help other people at the same time.

The Reason Why

At the University of Washington, I paid $32,000 over five quarters of graduate school to learn a lot of trivia about governance in Africa (my chosen subject) and this one important fact: it is always very important to carefully examine someone’s motives in communicating.

Whenever you read something, ask yourself, “What are the author’s motivations? Why did he or she choose to devote a great deal of time and effort to one particular thing in exclusion of others?”

On balance, I think this lesson is probably worth at least $32,000 in the long run, but if you can learn it for free and in less time, good for you.

As for me, I started writing for three reasons:

1) I felt I had something important to say.
2) I wanted to transition from helping a few people on an individual basis to helping more people through a broader platform.
3) I wanted to sleep at night.

In the nine months before I began this project, I kept waking up at night with more ideas. If I didn’t write them down, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I learned a while back that when you wake up feeling excited about an idea and can’t shake it, there’s usually a reason for it. It’s a good idea to pay attention to what you’re being told by the universe.

Since I started writing these things down, I’ve been advancing the vision of unconventional living, helping more people, and sleeping great at night.
---------------

I mean... oh-my-freakin'-God! Isn't that just AWESOME!? How incredibly inspiring!

Friday Motivation - Week 6: Getting it done

The above pic is of me and my friend, Mala's, daughter, Evani, in June 2007. Evani was about 4 months old here. I had just got back from my honeymoon in Belize and so was sporting a lovely tan. Man, look how thin my arms and legs were here!!! Of course, Evani has done some growing of her own since then: she'll be 3 early next year!

Good news is, I'm still making solid progress back to being that girl in the pic above.

Here's this weeks stats:

CURRENT WEIGHT: 156.2lbs
WEIGHT LOST THIS WEEK: 1.4lbs
TOTAL WEIGHT LOST TO DATE: 5lbs
CURRENT CLOTHING SIZE: 10
GOAL WEIGHT: 145lbs
GOAL CLOTHING SIZE: 6-8
NUMBER OF WEEKS TO GOAL: 8
LBS TO GOAL: 11.2lbs

If I continue to lose at least 1.4lbs each week, I'll be down to my goal weight exactly on time. Woohoo!

Learning Lessons

I am bold (and vain) enough to think that I'm a pretty smart cookie. So, why is it that I sometimes continue to make the same mistakes?

This week I made a fatal error in judgment and did something that I thought I'd learned a lesson from in many different ways, from many different mistakes in the past. The outcome was almost exactly the same as it had been in similar situations in the past (making a bad situation worse) and yet I was STILL initially surprised. I remained in denial for several hours, where I blamed everything from the unknowable to the fact that I had let my heart get ahead of my brain. (As if I wasn't in control of that very process!)

After several hours had passed and I had time to reflect, I managed to piece together all of those similar situations that I should have cross-applied and it felt like I'd been hit over the head with a very heavy mallet. It was, at once, an "Aha!" as well as a "Duh!" moment. I felt even more chargrinned because I realized that it was a lesson I have had plenty of opportunity to learn.

I think I've learned many lessons in the last six years, particularly. I can't think of any other time in my life (other than when I first moved to the U.S. back in '96) when I have so drastically changed the way I think and react to certain situations in life. I'm not exactly sure exactly why this time of my life has been so influential, although I have some theories.

Part of it, I think, is that I have met some pretty amazing people who have made a huge impact on the way I look at the world and view my own actions; courageous, compassionate, thoughtful, people who demonstrate strength of character through personal growth and self-reflection. My husband is one of those people, by the way. It's so wonderful to be married to someone who shows you how to be a better person. But that's an aside...

Of course, almost all of these lessons I have learned came from making mistakes.

I'm not afraid of making mistakes, and never really have been, but I was, for a long time, afraid of owning them. Notice I didn't say 'owning-up' to them, although that was part of it too. Owning up to a mistake is the easy part (although, for a lot of people, that's a big step all on it's own.) You admit you did something, you apologize (if needed), and then you go on your merry little way in life.

However, owning mistakes (to me) means trying to understand why I made the mistake, taking ownership of those reasons and the outcomes, and making decisions about what (if anything) I would do differently if the same or similar situation happened again.

So now it's even more of a dumbass moment when I realize the lesson I learned got lost somewhere along the way; that I failed to retrieve it at the critical moment of decision and fell right back into an old pattern.

What's also different for me is the speed at which I will readily admit I messed up.

It's not like I didn't have any moments of self-reflection before or never apologized to people but it usually took a lot more time, space, and emotional detachment from the event before I could truly see my own actions clearly. I was blocked, I realize now, by the fact that I would want to defend myself, to sorta-kinda admit that I did something wrong but, at the same time, throw in ten reasons as to why I did what I did - usually excuses that blamed something or someone external.

Now I attempt to fall on my sword right away; get it out of the way as soon as possible by apologizing and accepting (and I mean that as more than a surface-level admission) that I made a mistake or did the wrong thing. Until recently, I didn't realize how much time and emotional energy that took up: trying to hide something, consciously, that was subconsciously, banging on a door to be let out. All your emotional energy is being spent on just trying to keep that door closed at all costs, rather than really dealing with what comes out when you open it. Let's face it, you usually end up dealing with it anyway, at some point down the road and then, sometimes, it's too late to repair whatever you damaged.

So, I messed up. I guess we all do it. They say may all your mistakes be new ones but sometimes you just don't live up to that for whatever reason. I suppose the biggest lesson of all that I can say that I have learned is to accept the lessons themselves. Ten years ago I would still be in the defensive, blaming, denial phase of my dumbass move. Now, I'm mortified I messed up, I've apologized to all who I affected, and I can already clearly see my own actions and the real reasons behind them. Let's hope I can pull this one out of the memory bank and not make a similar mistake again.

Overcommitted and overscheduled?

Those of you who know me pretty well know that I make an effort to see my friends, in person, as regularly as possible. Lately, however, it has really struck me just how hard it is to get together with people.

I shared a string of several emails today with a friend who really did want to see me (ie: wasn't just blowing me off) but where her schedule and mine just failed to coordinate for multiple reasons. By the time we were done, we were booking ourselves 3-4 weeks out! The same thing happened just last week with some friends that usually get together as a group - we threw some dates out there for the month of November (remembering this is still only October) and could only come up with one day that worked for everyone. One day... out of 30!?

When I was at home in England, I just don't remember people's lives being this way. But then, maybe I was just a teenager with no responsibilities, who was friends with a bunch of other teenagers with no responsibilities. I don't know, but my recollection was that friends dropped-by on one another unannounced or called each other at 6 o'clock to decide to get together for a drink in an hour. What I remember is that people decided to go to the pub after work and just invited people on the spur of the moment - and people were available, and came!

Yet, since I've lived in the U.S., that kind of social life just doesn't seem to exist, or at least, rarely. People are scheduled to the hilt three, four weeks in advance (sometimes more) and if you don't make the effort and plan ahead it's easy to just lose touch as the weeks and months slip by.

Now, I'm not saying that my schedule is always open either - in fact it's a tad packed for the next week or so - but it just brings up the question: why is this? Why is it that people in the UK have much more spontaneous social lives and people in the U.S. (at least the way I've experienced it) end up running their calendars like a military operation?

Friday Motivation - Week 5: At Last! Progress!

NEGRIL, JAMAICA, JUNE 2008.

Jamaica has been on my mind this week. First of all, my sister-in-law sent me an email about Christmas gifts and Christmas get-together plans. Secondly, just this morning we had to go and apply for Daisy's passport at the local post office. Finally, I spent most of the morning on the phone with the folks at Delta airlines trying to figure out what I paid $1k per ticket for. (More on that later.)

Jamaica was also the last real vacation that Hubby and I took pre-Daisy and the last time I was any sort of "normal" weight. As all my weight-loss goals are based upon making it back into a bikini by 12/27 when we head back to Negril, I thought this picture was appropriate.

So, let's get to it.

CURRENT WEIGHT: 157.4lbs
WEIGHT LOST THIS WEEK: 1.2lbs
TOTAL WEIGHT LOST TO DATE: 3.6lbs
CURRENT CLOTHING SIZE: 10-12
GOAL WEIGHT: 145lbs
GOAL CLOTHING SIZE: 6-8
NUMBER OF WEEKS TO GOAL: 9
LBS TO GOAL: 12.4 lbs

Wooty woot woot! Yes, I lost MORE THAN a pound this week. I'm soooo happy and so relieved. Maybe this is the beginning of the shedding?

An additional stat: Body Fat% (according to my fancy scale) - 38%. Back when I got the scale (2 months ago @ 161lbs) it was more than 40%! I KNOW! Isn't it ridiculous? Almost 60lbs of fat on my body. BLECH indeed. Anyway, it demonstrates more progress and may indicate at why the scales have not been budging as much - it appears I've lost 4lbs of fat but only 3.6lbs overall, telling me I have indeed been turning fat into muscle.

Enough of the fat/weight/body-image crap.............

Back to what I mentioned in my first para on Jamaica. As you know, Delta Airlines cancelled our direct flight from Sacramento to Atlanta and instead made us take two flights, stopping in Salt Lake City. Then, as you probably also know if you pay attention on this blog or on FB, they moved-up our third flight (the one from Atlanta to Montego Bay) giving us only one hour between flights and little room for delays. I know, nice, right? We get to Jamaica about 90 minutes earlier, which is awesome assuming everything runs on time. If it does not... Ok, I'm not going there, I may have a panic attack.

I think I deserve some kind of discount at this point; if I changed the flights this many times I'm certain the price would have been upped on me. It should work the other way around. Since that's about as likely as Ann Coulter having a crush on President Obama, we'll move on...

As we are traveling with an infant, we need papet tickets and those were issued back in June when I booked them. When I talked to the folks at Expedia after the first flight change, they said new tickets would be issued and sent out to me. I didn't get anything in the mail however, but when I saw the third flight had changed, I assumed that was why and continued to wait. Well, it's more than a month since the original change and I still hadn't received a thing, so I called Expedia back.

NOW their story is that the tickets were never going to be re-issued (that, aparently, was misinformation one of their agents fed to me previously.) However, I did need to go to a Delta ticket office and get my tickets revalidated.

Um, excuse me? WHAT??????

So, I called Delta. The "good" news is that they say we can do it before check-in, we just need to arrive 30 minutes earlier than normal. The bad news is that our flight leaves @ 6:15am, (which, for an international flight, puts us at the airport at 4am either way,) yet the ticket office only opens at 4am.

It just keeps getting better, doesn't it?

I gotta tell ya, thank GOD I know the relaxing properties of that white sand and warm, Caribbean, otherwise I could seriously consider throwing the towel in on this one. The potential for this to be an utter nightmare is huge. I'm brave but not stupid.

But then I hear that reggae beat in my head, feel the warm sun on my skin, and taste the sweetness of a Pina Colada in my mouth... and I realize I may in fact be stupid enough to endure all of this, for that. Sigh...

Nutrition and me

First of all, thanks to my friend, Elena for her words of encouragement and advice for my previous post. Elena - you crack me up. Yes, you are MADLY supportive, I'll definitely give you that.

The one piece of advice I am definitely going to take from Elena is to take it one step at a time and experiment.

My goal, if at all possible, is not to CUT OUT anything entirely (as in never-ever-ever eat it again) but to remove it from my regular diet.

I am very serious when I say that, while I admire Elena's resolve, I CANNOT and WILL NOT live a life where I examine every single ingredient on a restaurant menu or send instructions ahead of me to friends or family who invite me for dinner. Holidays and vacations are also non-restrictive zones. I'm not (what would be to me) spoiling those occasions by obsessing about every morsel that I eat.

Let me be clear: I'm not saying ANYTHING about Elena's reality here, just about what's not acceptable to me.

So, here's where I'm going to begin, based upon Elena's advice, my own research, and previous experience:

• Cutting back on processed foods is definitely something I'm going to start doing right away. I have done this in the past and I have noticed energy as well as weight-loss gains. The more and more I think about it, the more I realize that, with the exception of a few key items (like Heinz Baked Beans) I ate a lot more unprocessed food when I was living in England. Since I've moved to the US... not so much. Is it a coincidence that I now weigh a wopping 60lbs more than I did when I moved out here 15 years ago? I think not.
• Bread is bye-bye. Again, I have done this before (back when I was 105lbs) and have lost weight cutting it out of my diet. Honestly, it's not that big of a deal for me. Do I like bread? Yes. Is it essential to my enjoyment of food? Um, no.
• Cut back on inflammatory foods. Increase anti-inflammatory foods and ingredients. Fish, berries, vegetables, olive-oil, whole-grains, brown-rice, ginger, rosemary, garlic, onions, red wine, and green tea - IN. Salt, soda, bread, sugar, red meat, fried foods, smoked foods, and processed foods - OUT. (Honestly, aside from the sugar and processed foods, I don't really eat much of anything on this list already.) Dairy is also on the inflammatory list. I'm on the fence with this one - I love eggs, cheese and milk. These will be a last-resort removal, although I'll definitely be more conscious of how much I consume now. Let's face it, do enough research and you'll find that eggs and milk, especially, have many of their own health benefits. Everything in moderation. I truly believe that: I think that (with the exception of all the added-in crap for processed and packaged foods) your body needs a little bit of everything (some more than others) to work optimally. Cutting any major food group out just doesn't make sense to me, unless, of course, you can establish that you are allergic to it.
• Consider adding supplements and/or different herbs and spices to my diet. Chamomile, Ginger, Willow-Bark, Boswellia, Bromelain, Vitamin D, Calcium, Paprika, Cumin, Tumeric, and Fish Oil all seem to come up over and over again on websites I found on anti-inflammatory diets and digestive health. (Although, the more I started researching, the more I found that just about every vitamin, herb or spice seems to have a magical digestive or anti-inflammatory property which makes me somewhat skeptical overall.)

I'm also looking seriously at studying the Mediterranean diet in more detail. I've heard from many sources that people living in Mediterranean countries consume high amounts of fat but incidences of heart disease and cancer are lower. The Journal of the American College of Cardiology (so, not some goat farmer from a rural area of Greece) found that a traditional Mediterranean diet reduces inflammation and cardiovascular risk.

Finally, I'm not throwing the proverbial baby out with the bathwater. I'm going to continue doing (or try to improve my consistency in doing) many of the other, more basic things that I have always found to work: drink more water, eat little and often, and don't eat after 6pm. I'm also planning on keeping a food diary.

Last night we went to the store and I bought Ginger Tea (not bad as it goes), raspberries, lots of salads, spinach, onions, fish, and veggies. A good first step. This morning I ate a healthy egg-white omelette with onions, spinach and a small slice of cheese.

My main focus initially is to find things I already like that fit into the "new diet" category and eat more of those rather than to add new things into my diet that I may not enjoy so much. I mean, how likely am I to stick to a new nutrition plan if I'm not enjoying the food I eat? Knowing me - not frickin' likely at all.

As one website said: Eating well doesn’t necessarily mean cutting out your favorite foods. It entails making adjustments to the amounts you eat from each food group.

THAT I can deal with. Wish me luck!

------------------------------------

Side note for Elena: I tried a Gluten-Free diet for about 4 months last year (had to stop when I got pregnant on the advice of my doc) I experienced no significant health or weight loss benefits as a result. Conclusion: I am not gluten or wheat intolerant. While some foods that contain gluten and wheat will probably be on my no-no list for other reasons, I don't see any value in removing either entirely.

Connecting the dots

Yesterday I went to see my massage therapist. She has been on vacation for a few weeks and so I have not seen her in more than a month. During that time I have been stepping up my workout routine in an effort to get fit, get strong, and well, let's face it, lose that effin' baby weight. So, with all those things combined, I was a ball of muscles, tendons, ligaments, and fascia all fighting for a channel to spreadh their pain message. Tanya, my massage therapist, as usual, found them all one by one. It was brutal.

Today I went to see my osteopath. I had not seen her in 2 weeks. Her nose scrunched up in disappointment when I told her my current pain level (3-4) and list of ailments. (Nothing you haven't already heard, so I'll spare you the details.)

I told her I had been stepping up my exercise routine and thought that may have been the cause of the increased issues. She asked me exactly what that meant (ie: what I had been doing and how often) and by the time I had finished listing everything I do, she was pretty gobsmacked. It was only then I realized myself how much all these things I've been incrementally adding actually added up to:

• Power yoga 1-2 times per week
• Cardio @ the gym 3 mornings a week
• 30 minutes of strength training on the Total Gym 3 times a week
• 30 minute walks 3-4 times a week

Of course, I had the passing thought: Why the hell am I not losing weight? I didn't have time to linger because my treatment started.

At some point during an assault on my IT band, the doctor asked me if I was pooping fine. Strange question to ask, right, given that I was there for hip, groin, and thigh pain? It was, however, a thought-provoking question because that... um... particular element has been somewhat back-and-forth from different extremes lately. (Sorry if this is TMI - you know where the "x" is on your web browser!)

When I reported my... problem (let's call it) she said that osteopathic medicine believes that there is a connection between IT band tightness and my GI tract. Blockages or areas of tightness in my lateral thigh, therefore, could be caused by my erratic pooping or, of course, visa versa. I asked her which was which in my case and she said it was a bit like the chicken and the egg; you don't know which way around it is.

Logically, my brain went to the conclusion that nutrition and diet could be affecting all of this. (Of course --- and before you get to the comments section Elena --- this is not the first time I've heard this but it was the first time that I've opened my mind to the possibility.)

Further research when I got home basically led to articles on the autonomic nervous system (ANS) and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which is a part of it. In lamens terms, the PNS regulates the body's visceral organs via the innervation of three kinds of tissues, one of which is muscle tissue. Through this process the PNS is connected to your GI tract, your bowels, your pelvis, and, particularly your pelvic diaphram. (It's all a lot more complicated and involved that that but that's the reader's digest version.)

Since all of these things are connected, it is possible that either:

(a) Many of my pain issues are causing pooping issues or

(b) My pooping issues are causing many of my pain issues, particularly in my pelvis and pubic bone area.

Of course, if it's (b), a different diet could help.

And then, of course, there's the issue of my not losing weight despite all the exercising and dieting I have been doing.

And then I connected the dots.

And then came the acceptance.

Maybe - just maybe - if I changed my diet, I could affect my pain outcomes and lose weight.

Bottom line, I've been avoiding this conversation with myself for quite some time. I've seen friends change the way they eat and report benefits above-and-beyond weight-loss but I thought I knew better. (Or, realistically, hoped I did.) I've lost weight in the past on my own knowledge and under my own steam and thought I could just go down that the same path again.

Yet, it's not working. I've been at it for more than 4 months now and haven't really lost a pound. Ok, I haven't always been as "good" as I could have been and have only recently stepped-up the exercise but there should have been some incremental improvement; I haven't seen it.

Although I have been too stubborn to admit it, my body is not responding as it once did. This could be attributable to my age, my hip surgery, the fact I carried a baby, and/or my c-section. Who the hell knows? When I list it like that, it's quite frankly unsurprising that my body may be a different beast these days.

I'm not saying I'm definitely convinced there's some hollistic answer to all of my problems and I'm absolutely not saying I'm going to become some crazy person who will only eat certain foods and who delivers a 20 minute list of dos and don'ts to the waitress at a restaurant. I'm just saying that I'm open to modifying my diet right now. The whole nerve thing made sense on a practical level (rather than the hocusy-pocusy level that this stuff is often presented on) and so I'm willing to try.

So, I started googling nutrition and pain. I've already found some interesting information I think I can put to work right away and I'll report on that in a future post. For now I'll end here and await the "I told you so!" (and helpful advice) from my friend, Elena. :o)

No shame but no gain

The above picture was taken for Halloween 2007. Dang I was thin. Sigh.

Ok, so let's get straight to it. It was not the successful week I was hoping for.

CURRENT WEIGHT: 158.6 lbs
WEIGHT LOST THIS WEEK: +0.2lbs
CURRENT CLOTHING SIZE: 10-12
GOAL WEIGHT: 145lbs
GOAL CLOTHING SIZE: 6-8
NUMBER OF WEEKS TO GOAL: 10
LBS TO GOAL: 13.6 lbs

Clearly 0.2lbs can be the difference between pre-pee and post-pee, so I'm not going to beat myself up about that. But the reality is that I have not LOST any weight. Again. I'm stuck. I just don't get it.

This week I even instigated an early morning gym session. I got up Monday, Wednesday, and today at 5:30am, dashed off to the gym as quietly as I could, did 30 minutes of cardio, and dashed back before Daisy woke up. My goal was to get there and back in an hour, and I made it each day. On those same days, I still did a 30 minute Total Gym workout. I also did a Power Yoga workout on Thursday.

The only thing left to do, that has worked like gangbusters in the past, is to cut out my evening meal. Eating at night has never really worked for me. When I was at my thinnest, I was skipping that end-of-day meal and eating a snack in the late afternoon instead. This way, the food still has time to burn off.

Mostly, I eat in the evening to be social. Time with hubby, time with family etc... Secondarily, I eat because it makes sure Hubby eats - he needs to eat; we need to change the balance of weight in our relationship. Since Daisy has been born, however, we rarely get to eat together, we usually get take-out, and I eat it so fast that I barely get to taste it. So, it's got to go. That's the change for next week.

As for my hip. Rotten week. My right butt cheek feels like it's been hit with a baseball bat, over and over. I know what this is - a combination of a tight piriformis and tight IT band - but I'm going to have to get ahead of it today and take a muscle relaxant - I can barely sit on it.

Wet and WILD!

Yesterday fall literally fell on top of Sacramento.

50mph+ winds and torrential rain pouring into blocked storm-drains was a recipe for a pretty crazy day. Last night's news was full of flooded streets (particularly the I-5, downtown, which was supposedly fixed for this exact issue to the tune of $40 million last year), downed power lines, and cars or homes crushed by falling trees.

Sometimes it is NOT an advantage to be the city of trees!


Photo by Andy Alfaro / aalfaro@sacbee.com


Of course, it happened to be the ONE day every two weeks that I had to head into the office for our management team meeting. Yup. One day out of 14 and we're experiencing a 40 year storm. That's my kind of luck.

Unfortunately the "good" day did not start and end there.

First, I couldn't find a SINGLE umbrella as I head out the door. Now, I know that we have at least 100 umbrellas lying around in our house somewhere because, when it's not raining, I run into them all the time. But, of course, when my hair is done, my make-up is on and I'm trying not to get soaked in a torrential downpour, not a single one of them can be found. (Also, as usual these days, I'm running late, so I don't have time to instigate a full-on search.)

Then, just as I was about to fly out the front door and into my car as fast as humanly possible, I realized that I had left my wallet in my mum's bag from the other day. Since it seemed entirely possible that some idiot in his pick-up truck would go slamming into me that day, I thought it only prudent that I have my driver's license and insurance info on me. So I jumped in the car and head-off to mum's, where I also hoped that I would be able to snag an umbrella. (My parents did, after all, just move out from England.)

Mum had the umbrella (a nifty aqua-striped number that went sooo well with my pink car coat) but not the wallet. Ack! Oh, but she remembered me taking it from her at the store on Sunday! Back to my house to check my "evening" bag (which is anything other than a diaper bag these days). Score! Found wallet but now was VERY late.

Then I drove all the way to the office in torrential rain, braving the 50 freeway which was basically hydroplaning all the way - it was coming down so heavy and the ground was so saturated that the spray from the cars made it almost impossible to see more than 10 feet in front of you. It was like thick fog. Fun.

It was as I was toodling along uncharacteristically in the slow lane when I realized that my stomach started to grumble. CRAP! I forgot to eat breakfast! Fantastic. I was heading into a 3 hour meeting with nothing but caffeine and sugar in my stomach.

Despite the rain I pulled into the office with just a minute to spare. Whew! Ran through the front door and.... stopped. Everyone was sitting in the lobby lit in only emergency light. The power was out. Great! The big boss was sending everyone home because the storm was supposed to be in for the day and, if the power was already out, it seemed unlikely that it would return with any reliability.

A power outtage for our company = all servers out. All servers out = no service to our customers, no website, and no email. (Yes, we need off-site back-up servers... it's in the works.) Since everyone was in the office and the phones work on electricity only, I had to call my brother in law (who also works off-site) to get him to send a message to all our customers to alert them of the outtage. Only, my cell phone had no signal. I had to borrow a phone on a different network and call him.

Our management team decided to meet anyway and offsite. Since I skipped breakfast, I suggested a local cafe and off we went. Things had started to look up. Hot coffee, ham and eggs... ahhhh!

Three hours later we were still meeting. I called Brandy, our nanny, to see how Daisy was doing. Unfortunately, the answer was not good. She was fussy, irritable, would cry for no reason, and nothing could satiate her. She wanted to be picked up but then she would cry and arch her back to be put down. She would lean forward to sit but didn't want to stay there. She would lunge from sitting to her tummy and then get mad. No temperature, eating good, pooping good... the cause of her "issues" were a mystery. So, then I started to have mommy-worry, even though our meeting had yet another two hours still left in it.

I finally got out of my 9:30am meeting at 2pm and zoomed home through the still-crazy weather.

By the time I responded to emails it was 3:30pm and I had only 30 minutes of baby-sitting left. One of the emails was from Hubby who was communicating with our new tennants at our townhouse. As "luck" would have it, they had taken their first shower and it had busted a leak that resulted in water dripping through the ceiling. Fantastic!

It was at this point that I realized I had skipped lunch, so I went to put and English Muffin in the toaster to tide me over until dinner.

That's when the power went out. (So much for the English muffin)

Brandy left at 4pm and I started to pool my candle resources in the living room. No TV, no radio, no light, and a cranky 6 month old. Going for a walk or a drive was also out. To top it all off, Hubby was working late. (I was trying real hard not to let the panic set in.)

Fortunately, Hubby's late appointment cancelled and he came home to participate in the all-out attempt to figure out what the heck was wrong with Daisy. By 5:45pm, we were out of ideas, out of light, and HUNGRY, so we packed our screaming munchkin into a fleece hoodie, strapped her into the car seat and started to head out to my parents' house (which already had power restored a couple of hours prior.)

Just as we had our handle on the front door, the lights came on.

Since we had already put so much effort into getting Daisy in the car seat, we certainly were not going to let it be wasted. We went to Mum and Dad's anyway, where Daisy returned somewhat to life, riding her pink pony and smiling at her Grandad. Meanwhile, Mum made us a ham and cheese omelette (ok, not a varied diet for me yesterday) and we got to eat it hot, together, at the same time (quite an achievement in the world of parenting, we have discovered.)

And so our wet-and-wild day ended better than it began, thank goodness.

40 years. Wow!

Congratulations Mum and Dad on 40 years of marriage!

Today is my parents' Ruby wedding anniversary. On this day, back in 1969, a blushing, 20 year old, Pauline Margaret Caskey, walked down the aisle to marry baby-faced Barry Martin Carter.



40 years ago, the Beatles had just released their Abbey Road album, the Brady Bunch and Sesame Street tv-shows were just debuting, colour TV began being broadcast on the BBC and ITV in the UK for the first time, the first man walked on the Moon, and the Vietnam War was still raging.

And now, all these years later, Mum and Dad are now U.S. Residents! Whodathunkit?



My parents are the two most loving, giving, selfless people I know. They have worked incredibly hard all their lives to give me everything I could ever hope for. And they continue to give now, even though it's not asked-for, because that's what makes them happy. I can't wish for anything more wonderful than the sight of them smiling and giggling along with Daisy. I'm so glad they are again a regular part of my life and a daily part of Daisy's. She will be much better off for having Nanny and Grandad in her life, for sure.

I love you Mum and Dad. (Now let's head out to that Irish pub tonight and get HAMMERED!)

Pain Drain

Tonight Hubby commented that I have a ton more energy at the end of the day when I haven't been in pain all day with my hip.

This may sounds obvious (DUH!) but it's not until you have a good day that you realize just how emotionally and physically draining daily pain can be.

So what did I do differently today? Well, I woke up with quite a bit of lower back and hip stiffness and, knowing I had a long day ahead of me that included a photo-shoot in William Land Park as well as an afternoon at the Pumpkin Patch (more on Lazy Crazy Daisy later) with some kiddos, I got ahead of my pain and took two pain-killers - the 1-2 punch of Ibuprofen and Codeine from the English wonder-pills, Nurofen Plus.

Normally, I don't like to rely on pain pills, especially since my pain is chronic and daily. First, it's just not good for you. Second, I'm shit-scared of being dependent. Third, how the hell do I know if I'm progressing with my other efforts if I'm constantly masking the pain? BUT, today's experience reminds me that, every now and again it's good to take a mental and physical health break from the daily beat-down of soreness and stiffness.

Incidentally, I think I need a new mattress. I just can't seem to get comfortable at night any more. Every part of my body - from my neck down to my feet - seems to twinge or ache while I'm in bed these days. It's been a week or two since I had a full night's rest; I continually wake up sometime between 1am and 3am feeling uncomfortable. I wonder how much difference a new mattress will make on my hip pain and stiffness? I'm going to have to save-up to find out!

Noble Nobel?

As pretty much everyone with access to any form of media now knows, President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize today.

I have to say that, despite being a huge fan of our President and everything he represents, I was just as shocked as everyone else around the globe. Do I think of him as a transformative figure in many spheres? Absofrickinlutely yes. Do I think his concrete achievements to-date belong up there with those of the Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela? Umm... you know, I actually don't. I certainly feel he has the potential to make those kinds of impacts in places yet to be determined but right now it's somewhat like awarding a masters degree to my 6-month old daughter, Daisy. Yeah, I think she's gonna be a smart kid, why don't I just give her the roll of paper in anticipation of those achievements? (And plus... oh the pressure!)

I also have to say that part of me also groaned as soon as I heard because, although this is indeed a huge honor, I knew it would provide all kinds of dubious fodder for the right-wing media to chew on for several weeks. I'm certain that I'm not so politically savvy as to be the only person to have thought of this - I'm sure the White House didn't know whether to laugh or cry when they heard.

I haven't listened to Fox News or the like today but I'm willing to bet my last dollar that there's all sorts of back-handed slights about the President's rock-star-like adulation amongst the international community much the same way there was when he was greeted by hundreds of thousands of people in Europe before he was elected. (As if being liked is reason for scorn, for heavens sake.) Somehow I just see this all being played into the underlying storyline that the President's critics continue to weave about how he is all talk and no action - a big bag of hot hype that delivers no results.

(A quick glance at the Fox News internet site already headlines "Some Analysts Warn Obama's Nobel Peace Prize Complicates War Efforts", by the way. Shocker. Like I didn't see that one coming.)

Of course, he does have a lot to live up to. The sense of hope and promise he riled up in the American people last November was a beautiful thing. His promises of bi-partisan cooperation, no more politics as usual, better health care, a way out of the economic mess, peaceful diplomatic relations, withdrawls from military conflicts... they weren't small and they all added rungs to the huge ladder he must climb to come anywhere near living up to expectations. And now comes the Nobel Peace Prize. Yet something else he needs to live-up to.

Which just makes me a tad sad for President Obama. Not that I don't think that he has the chops to deliver - I wouldn't have voted for him if I didn't think he did (although I'm sure he won't win on every front.) The reason I'm sad is because this honor that he has received is being questioned and will, in the short term at least, lack the respect that was afforded to previous winners. How much nicer it would have been if, ten years from now, the Nobel committee had sat down and, instead of awarding him for his promise, awarded him for his concrete achievements. Then the title would be justly given and rightly respected.

Not everyone around the world views Obama's acheievement through the same spectacles. This article by the Christian Science Monitor online provides a pretty good overview of the mixed reaction across the globe. Even so, most of it hints at the award being given for promise rather than achievements. Which makes one wonder who would have won in previous years if that was, indeed, the criteria?
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Image courtesy of ABCNews.com and Jim Young/Reuters

Friday Motivation - Week 3

This week's photo is from Thanksgiving of 2007, so less than 2 years ago. It's one of my favorite pictures of myself. For some reason I'm just loving my hair, my skin, my size, and the fact that I look so relaxed. Of course, this is pre hip-surgery (which I'm regretting more and more every day) and pre-baby, so there was a lot less to be stressed about.

Unfortunately, no really great news to report this week.

CURRENT WEIGHT: 158.4 lbs
WEIGHT LOST THIS WEEK: 0.2 lbs
CURRENT CLOTHING SIZE: 10-12
GOAL WEIGHT: 145lbs
GOAL CLOTHING SIZE: 6-8
NUMBER OF WEEKS TO GOAL: 11
LBS TO GOAL: 13.4 lbs

The weeks are going down but the pounds aren't. I started at a place of needing to lose one pound per week and now I need to lose one and a quarter pounds per week.

So, time to own up. What's going on?

1. Nabisco Iced Animal Crackers, that's what's going on! Blame Hubby for sneaking them into the shopping cart last weekend while I was trying to prevent Daisy from using it as a teething ring. Ok, since this blog post is about accountability, that's not really fair. I didn't have to eat them.
2. I'm just not getting enough cardio exercise. The Total Gym is an awesome circuit workout but I need to get my heart-rate up for 30 minutes or more at least three days a week. I hate to say it but I need to get up early and head back to the gym. I have absolutely no excuse as to why I cannot. Daisy hasn't been rising until 7am or later recently and so I could quite conceivably get up at 5am, head-out to the gym, do a 30 minute cardio workout, and be back by 7am.

On the plus side, I have worked out every single day this week. Three pretty strenuous 30 minute Total Gym workouts and two power yoga workouts. I've, generally speaking, been drinking more water (which is also a big issue I have - I just don't drink) and I haven't been skipping meals (which I have a tendency to do when I'm desperate to lose the poundage.)

I do have to say that I am noticing a change in the shape of my body. My abs are definitely getting tighter and flatter, although the big glob of skin and fat left over from carrying an 8lbs baby on a 5foot 1inch frame, is still there wobbling around. Essentially, I think, this is my remaining my key barrier to fitting in to smaller pants. (Which makes me wonder if it's going to be curable by exercise and diet alone.) In addition, I'm now fitting into many of my pre-pregnancy tops, if a little more snugly than I did before. I also felt-up my own ass yesterday and it feels pretty firm (and given that I'm my own harshest critic, that's saying something.) So, I am noticing progress in other areas, if not on the scale.

Therefore, specific goals for next week are:

1. Get up early and head to the gym for some cardio 3 days a week.
2. Keep up the good work on the regular exercise.
3. Continue to drink more water and stay hydrated.
4. Stop snacking on the animal crackers or any other goodies that my Skubby (Skinny+Hubby) smuggles in.
5. Continue to make even better choices with food.

Ok, I'm liking the specific goals for next week. Let's see if they show up on the scale!

Friday Motivation - Week 2 (On Monday)

Since I was on a business trip last week, I missed the opportunity to post my Friday Motivation picture and stats. However, since I'm not one to puss-out and use all that fattening conference food as an excuse, I weighed myself on Saturday morning and am posting Saturday's Friday Motivation on Monday. (Ahem)



This week's picture is from our honeymoon in Belize in June of 2007. Here I'm sitting on top of El Castillo, a Mayan pyramid at the ruins in Xunantunich. I chose this one because I'm not the smallest I've ever been here but I'm toned and comfortable with myself which, quite frankly, are two factors more important to me than any number on the scale.

That aside, I do need something to measure my goals by, so here we go with the dreaded stats. Not much to celebrate over except to say that I didn't put on weight last week, despite not working out, drinking like a fish, and eating conference food.

CURRENT WEIGHT: 158.6 lbs
WEIGHT LOST THIS WEEK: 0.4 lbs
CURRENT CLOTHING SIZE: 10-12
GOAL WEIGHT: 145lbs
GOAL CLOTHING SIZE: 6-8
NUMBER OF WEEKS TO GOAL: 12
LBS TO GOAL: 13.6 lbs

I guess I just need to do better this week.

As for my trip... man it was exhausting. 3 days of being in sales mode from 7am to 11pm - breakfast, lunch, dinner, cocktails (and boy, were there cocktails!) That said, it was the longest stint of time that I've spent just being "me" since Daisy was born. It was at once freeing and alien. I was so busy most of the time that, although I missed her, I was doing fine. That was until I saw a mommy and her baby bouncing around in the hotel pool on the last day, which brought tears to my eyes and sent me checking-out and speeding home.

During my conference, however, I had somewhat of a revelation.

When I couldn't get on one of the 3 working cardio machines at the hotel "fitness center" on Thursday morning, I decided instead to don a pair of jeans, some sneakers and two layers of sweater (because it was about 30 degrees!) and take a long walk to-and-from Starbucks. It was about one third of the way there, as I was striding in full-force down the strip, that I realized that my hip didn't hurt. Not one iota. Not my hip, not my thigh, not my knees. (My pinkie toe is another issue we won't address here.) For the first time, it actually occurred to me that I felt... well... normal! This was elating but surprising because I had been traipsing around all Wednesday in ridiculously high-heeled boots and had spent a good portion of my day on my feet in said high-heeled boots.

Was it the altitude? The crisp morning air? Of course, it definitely got me to wondering, especially when I woke up on Saturday morning after my first afternoon/night home, feeling as though I'd been hit by a truck.

The variables from my conference days in Tahoe as opposed to my regular days at home were:

1. More time on my feet/standing
2. Wearing high-heels
3. Less time on the computer
4. Drinking more alcohol
5. Different bed

So I concluded that I need to stand all day in high-heels with a cocktail in my hand? Sounds nice but but, of course, I'm joking.

What I can tell you is that this week I am going to:

1. Research a new matttress - especially after a horrible Saturday night where every part of me hurt, leading me to have a ridiculously tight illiopsoas that resulted in me needing a muscle-relaxant and a 600mg of ibuprofen before bed last night.
2. Sit straighter in my chair (can already attest that I am doing that as I write this post)
3. Get up more often from my desk and walk around/stretch (need to finish this post and then I will)
4. Buy new sneakers
5. Stop wearing flip-flops, even my orthopedic ones, when I go out (the cooler weather will help there)

I'd like to add drink apple-martinis in place of water there but I doubt that would do my weight or my liver any good.

So, we'll see if that makes any difference.

Our new itinerary to Jamaica

Ack. Well, I guess we'll just need to pack plenty of patience.... and some of those small bottles of liquor.

Pray for us!

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Sun 27-Dec-09
Sacramento (SMF) Depart 6:10 am	to	Salt Lake City (SLC) Arrive 8:46 am	532 mi (856 km) Duration: 1hr 36mn	DL Flight: 1140
3Economy/Coach Class ( 27C, 27B, 27A, 27D ), BOEING 737-800 (WINGLETS) PASSENGER
Salt Lake City (SLC) Depart 9:40 am	to	Atlanta (ATL) Arrive 3:20 pm	1,587 mi (2,554 km) Duration: 3hr 40mn	DL Flight: 151
3Economy/Coach Class ( 41E, 41D, 41F, 41G ), Food For Purchase, Boeing 767-300
Atlanta (ATL) Depart 5:45 pm	to	Montego Bay (MBJ) Arrive 8:43 pm	1,120 mi (1,802 km) Duration: 2hr 58mn	DL Flight: 565
3Economy/Coach Class ( 32B, 32D, 32C, 32A ), Breakfast, BOEING 737-800 (WINGLETS) PASSENGER
Total distance: 3,239 mi (5,213 km) Total duration: 8hr 14mn (11hr 33mn with connections)

Fail, fail, fail away!

I love this. It reminds me of something someone once said to me: "There are no failures, just events that teach us how to succeed."

Thanks to my friend, Renee, for finding and posting on Facebook.

Wonderful weekend

We had a fantastic weekend. Yup... fantastic, wonderful... it was that good.

On Friday night I left Daisy in the hands of Daddy and went out to a friend's house for a CAbi party. I drank two glasses of wine and spent $$ on cute clothes. In short, the weekend started off well.

Meanwhile, Daisy was in a fabulous mood all weekend.

On Saturday, we did our usual thing in the morning - swimming lessons with Daddy - we napped well and then, in the afternoon, we all went over to my parents so Daisy could ride her pink pony.

At 5:30pm, we spruced ourselves up and went out to a local street party event called Folsom Live. Since Mum and Dad had a charity event to attend that same evening, we had our nanny, Brandy come baby-sit for us for a couple of hours. We had never been to Folsom Live before, so we had no idea if we would enjoy it. Since we normally go out for date night and find ourselves checking our watch after an hour, two hours seemed like enough time to check it out and get back for bath, bottle, and bed.

That was until we realized that the entrance fee was $35 each!!!! Drink tickets minimum = $20. Food extra. Baby sitter $40. I can safely say that, with food and parking, we spent $150. That's $75 an hour!

Thankfully, the event was really fun and we will definitely return next year for longer than two hours. (No kidding.)

The minute we walked through the gates, we happened upon an already drunk bar-tender who poured two of the stiffest drinks I think we've tasted in a long time. That started the evening off with a literal buzz. Then we head down the strip to check out the bands on the ten stages, expecting to bop around from one to another during our two hours. That was until we found the 90s tribute band, STT. A little "Groove Is In The Heart" (my old night-club anthem) and we were hooked for the night (or, at least the two hours). All those songs from our 20s left us feeling at both young all over again and incredibly old because, let's face it, most of the songs we were getting giddy over were 10-20 years old themselves. (Argh!)

We started back toward the car, reluctantly, at around 7:15. Unfortunately, when we hit the entrance, the organizers hadn't yet made an "Exit". (Yes, we were leaving that early, it seems.) This led to the first ever episode of me flexing my mummy muscle.

The event staff at the entrance told us to walk around the fence to an area where we'd already been and that we knew was blocked-off and so we told them no, couldn't we just exit through the entrance? They said we could do whatever we wanted but would probably get stopped and turned back by the security guards (because, you know, you really need to keep an eye on who might be leaving without a ticket!) "Well," I said, in my I really don't give a shit what you say tone, "I have a five month old I need to get home to, so they better not stop me!" And with that, I marched right past them, Hubby in tow. We did indeed encounter the security guards, who happened to be holding open the fence for a golf cart. "We're just leaving!" I said, walking past them without so much as a pause and with such purpose that I think they would have been numbskulls to have stopped me.

That's right! Don't you dare try to stand between me and my daughter! I may have a bad hip but I can still kick your ass!

So, we were home by 7:35pm, $150 poorer, a little buzzed, but still able to give Daisy her bath. I finished-up the evening watching a TiVo'd episode of The Vampire Diaries. Ahhh.... Saturday night bliss.

Sunday, Mum and I went shopping for birthday gifts for a 1 year old, a 3 year old, and a 4 year old. What fun!

Hubby with those STIFF drinks.

Me in front of the stage where STT was playing
(The place was packed, it's just everyone's behind the camera)

Our neighborhood watch is out of control!

A couple of months back a man, posing as a salesman, went knocking on doors around our neighborhood during the day. Mum opened the door to him, irritated because he woke Daisy from her nap, gave him a piece of her mind, and when he refused to leave, closed the door in his face. (Go Mum!) Two nights later, Hubby's laptop was stolen from the back seat of his car and some other cars in the neighborhood were broken into. (The fact that the laptop was in the car overnight is another matter we shan't go into.) We're not convinced these two incidents are related but, everyone around here seems to think they are.

Obviously, this got our Neighborhood Watch all fired up. I don't think I mentioned the spate of burglaries last fall that had the men on our block literally patrolling the streets after dark in their pick-up trucks but I think this gives you some insight into how vigilant people are around here. Someone unusual shows up on the street and an email begins to circulate with his/her description and details of multiple neighbor interactions. It's to such an extent that, when my nanny's husband first started waiting outside out house to pick her up, neighbors would emerge into their driveway to eyeball him. I. KID. YOU. NOT. At first he was really weirded out by our crazy neighbors until, of course, I explained the situation.

Today we had two "elderly boys" (my mother's interesting description - she has many) knock on our door, again waking Daisy from her nap (why is their timing so impeccable?) and claiming to be peddling something or other. Mum closed the door on them again and I went downstairs to take a gander, see what they were up to. I was in my workout clothes and had just worked out on my Total Gym, so I was feeling very burly. By then the boys had crossed the street and were knocking on someone else's door.

As I was eye-balling them from my driveway, two men who I think are neighbors from down the street, came strutting along the road and asked me if I had seen a couple of boys knocking on doors around here. I said I had, of course, and pointed across the street. The men then proceeded to approach the boys and question them for ten minutes before heading back home. Not fifteen minutes after that, the Sheriff's car passed by our front door.

Of course, I shouldn't complain but sometimes it's just entertaining.

Friday Motivation - Week 1

In the quest to shed the baby weight, I am trying to find ways to publicly hold myself accountable (aka: shame myself) for the weight loss.

So, I have decided to do 2 things here on this blog every Friday moving forward.

1) I will post a picture of myself thinner.
2) I will report my actual weight and any loss/gain from the previous week

I expect to be soundly boo'd if I put on weight or stagnate and profusely congratulated if I lose so much as an ounce.

For week one, I have chosen a pic from me back in 2004 when I was on vacation in Greece. Here I am standing at the intersection of the Aegean and Mediterranean Seas in Prasonissi, Rhodes. Approximate weight here... 135lbs.



And now to today...

CURRENT WEIGHT: 159.0 lbs
CURRENT CLOTHING SIZE: 10-12
GOAL WEIGHT: 145lbs
GOAL CLOTHING SIZE: 6-8 (because this would mean I could actually wear 90% of the clothes in my wardrobe)
NUMBER OF WEEKS TO GOAL: 13
LBS TO GOAL: 14lbs

(And yes, it's still a fact that I am only 2lbs shy of the weight I was when Daisy was 6 weeks old. ACK!)

Bring on the shame!

Am I nucking futs?

So, in case you didn't catch it on Facebook, Delta Airlines has seen fit to cancel our direct flight from Sacraghetto to Atlanta, on the way to Jamaica in December. Now they want us to go from Sac to Salt Lake City, Salt Lake City to Atlanta, and Atlanta to Montego Bay.

Yes, with a 9 month old.

Initially, my reaction was the same as yours probably is - is she nucking futs????

But then, I looked at the schedule. Originally the flight into Atlanta from Sac left us with a 3-4 hour layover before getting on the last leg to Jamaica. Now, with the new schedule, we're leaving about 1/2 an hour earlier from Sac but they're having us take that same final flight from Atlanta to Jamaica, arriving at the same time. So, instead of a 3-4 hour layover, we only have like 90-120 minutes. The two flights (Sac to SLC and SLC to Atlanta) take-up that extra time inbetween and we're actually only adding 30 minutes of travel time to the day.

Therefore, the question remains: Is is better to take a 9 month old on 3 flights with shorter gaps between them or 2 flights with a bunch more downtime between?I'm torn. Right now, I would say the first but who knows what Daisy is going to be like 3 months from now? Plus, I also have to take into consideration the increased likelihood of delays and missed connections or lost luggage, the more flights we take. ACK!

The Expedia.com representative says she can contact Delta and see if they can come up with a better route but the reality is that they then cannot guarantee the dates or the price (which is already pretty hefty.)

Since I am the travel planner extraordinaire, the final decision sort of lands with me, says my family. Of course, what this means in reality is that they then get to bitch-and-whine about whatever decision I make when it goes wrong.

California Dreamin'

I have been having weird and slightly disturbing dreams lately.

Two nights ago, Hubby and I were outside my Nan's house in England (which is no longer, of course, hers) when we saw sparks fly above us in the night sky. When we looked up, we saw a red, glowing slit appear in the sky and from it zoomed a flying saucer of the "Independence Day" kind, zooming quickly across the sky but only about 1,000 feet from the ground. There was an ominous feeling in the air, as if we seemed to know what this meant; a harbinger of some kind. I remember feeling fearful and having the sense that nothing would ever be the same again. I think I said something about 2012, maybe referencing Nostradamus' predictions for armageddon? Hubby tried to walk towards it to get a better look and I pulled him back, telling him 'they' would see us.

In last night's dream I was in a women's prison. I had killed someone. I don't think this act was intentional or a murder in the "psycho" sense because I felt as though, although I wasn't denying being culpable in some way, I shouldn't be there. I was awaiting my trial and thought that my sentence probably wouldn't be that long.

Being in there for "homicide" gave me a sense of invincibility as I walked around. I was rooming-in with three other women and we all slept on the floor. However, I was ridiculously scared and could barely breathe for the feeling of being trapped. Just the thought of not being able to go places and do things just freaked me out, although I was trying not to think about it in the dream and trying to find ways to make the time pass, walking around outside in a fenced-off area that seemed remarkably similar to the Folsom Zoo that I just visited. My family came to visit me but kept wanting to leave early, which just made me more and more upset. The time went incredibly slowly and I looked at the clock at one point, thinking it was bound to be almost dinner time, and it was only 12:30pm.

Hubby said he has also been having vivid dreams but his are much more one-dimensional and the theme is reoccurring. He's skiing but the most vivid part is the sound of his skis on the snow as he heads down the hill. Sometimes he is alone and sometimes he meets up with me and we go up the lift again before skiing back down.

I like his dreams much better!

Back by popular demand!

Well, thanks to emails and votes from friends who want to hear about more than my beautiful daughter, Daisy, I have taken the step to resurrect this blog, officially pulling Random Rants out of hiatus.

If you found this blog through Facebook and are new to this blog (and me) since the days Random Rants was a regular part of my life, I should first start by warning you that Random Rants is a blog of my personal opinions as much as my personal activities.

Fair warning. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm Liberal and lovin' it. If you think reading my left-leaning rants will make it hard for you to love me, perhaps it's a good idea to stick with The Lazy Crazy World of Daisy. I'm not hear to offend anyone. Debate intelligently? Sure. But if you're the type who gets personally upset by views divergent from your own (and there's nothing wrong with that), then I value our friendship more than my readership stats.

Disclaimers aside....

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Let's see what happened since we left off on a cool day in March...

Well, I had a baby. DUH. And... well... really not much else. Haha! Yes, it may be a challenge for a while to find things to post about but I'm going to try.

First, I have to say that reading my goals for the year on the right was a bit disheartening. I don't know where I got it into my stubborn British skull that I would be able to lose the baby weight in 3 months OR write a book while learning to be a first-time mum. I think I forgot the R in the SMART goals rule: "Realistic"

As of today, just over 5 months since Daisy was born, I have managed to lose 23 of the 32 pounds I put on when I was pregnant. Unfortunately, a good 18 of those came off within the first 6 weeks all on their own and the other 5 pounds have been a hard, hard, slog that I'm still slogging away on. I've noticed, however, that the majority of weight remains on my stomach which was taking the brunt of the stretching there, especially in the last few months. My legs and arms seem to fit into most of my pre-maternity clothes, it's just the bit below my boobs (which quickly returned to a less-than desirable size) and above my hips that refuses to budge. Do I hear tummy tuck? My goal is to budge the final 9 before my vacation in Jamaica at the end of the year. That's about 3 lbs a month. Sounds reasonable. Now let's see if THAT'S realistic!

All I can say is I'm putting in the effort. I bought the Total Gym so I wouldn't have the excuse of not making it to the gym every day and, for the most part, I have been using it at least 3 days a week. I also try and do one of my power yoga DVDs once a week in addition to a more gentle, Kundalini yoga DVD on a weekend (if Daisy takes a long enough nap.) Some weeks Mum and I even make it to an aquaerobics class at the gym. Plus, I try to take Daisy for one long walk each day (baking hot Sacraghetto heat, allowing.) Eating is hit or miss - I buy the food but seem to get to Daisy's bath-time before I realize I now don't have time (or energy) to make it. So, out comes the Slimfast, the Nutrigrain bar or - shock horror - the fast-food salad. Overall, I'd give myself a solid B+ for effort and C- for results. Hopefully the two will synch-up soon.

As for writing a book... HA! Or, as I should say in this social media world, ROTFLMAO.

So, what have I been doing other than being mom and dieting? The answer, unfortunately, is WORK.

I went back to work after 8 weeks and hit the ground running. Fortunately, my brother-in-law (who I hired to take over part of my job when I was gone), was approved as a permanent employee and so I didn't have to take back on those tasks I was doing before. But now my job is much different, much more engaging, much more challenging, and much more busy!

Depending on the day, I fulfill the roles of:

• Marketer
• Copy-writer
• Sales Person
• Contract writing
• Executive/Strategic Decision-Maker
• Business Development
• Graphic Designer
• Web-site designer
• Videographer
• Trainer
• Presenter
• System Analyst
• Product Manager
• Blogger
• Customer Retention Programs
• Customer Service
• Social Media Maven

I could probably go on, but you get the point. (And no, it's not "poor me". Just phew!)

Now that some of the day-to-day tasks, including passive, incoming leads are handled by my BIL, I have been freed-up to pursue growing and protecting the company's sales and market share through less tactical and more strategic means. As I said, this can be anything from being the face on twitter, facebook, or Linked-In and working to develop strategic partnerships with movers-and-shakers in the business, to designing a new logo or working with our lawyers on a new contract. Sometimes the diversity is exciting and stimulating and sometimes it's just plain difficult to focus because I'm working on so many things at once AND I've got so many other things that I want to do. I've basically been given almost free-reign to do what it takes to get the job done and, now my mind has been freed of constraints, my ideas are greater than my personal ability to implement them, or the company's ability to pay for them!

Of course, all of this (inc. working out and eating better, going to doctor's appointments, physical therapy, and massage therapy) now has to happen, most days, between 8am when child-care walks through the door to 4pm-ish, when it walks out. On the days Mum is here, I have a bit more flexibility but by 4pm she's been playing with Daisy for 8 hours and so it's only fair I get my ass downstairs to give her a break by the time 5 rolls around. So, I leave my desk at the end of each day pretty darn exhausted from trying to fit it all in.

For those people who manage to pick-up their life pretty much where they left off after having kids, I only have to conclude that either (a) their lives and jobs were not that busy to start off with (b) they have a LOT of energy or (c) they're just plain exhausted at the end of the day. For me, battling pain with my hip is definitely a factor in energy depletion.

Which, of course, brings me to the chronic issue of my hip, the subject of many a blog post in the past.

The good news is that things seem to be improving. The bad news is that they're still not back to being as good as they were before I got pregnant (and that wasn't perfect or acceptable then either.) Carrying a baby and having a c-section put a whole host of different strains on the muscles of my hip, abs, and thigh (all of which, of course, are interconnected) and so I developed new pains, twinges, weaknesses, and soreness after Daisy was born. New stuff that I have had to battle before I could even begin to address the old, resurrected issues of post-surgery, let alone the issues I had the surgery to alleviate in the first place.

All of this has been building upon itself for over a year now and my right side has pretty much been in a hot, hot mess. There were days just a month or two ago, where I had to return from walks around the block with Daisy because I was getting stabbing pains in the right side of my leg and buttocks. It seemed like my entire right side was just freezing up in a spasm of pain. My lower back is in almost constant pain (but, again, getting better), my knees now have begun to hurt, my pubic bone is sore to the touch, I often get pains or cramping in my right foot now too, and my osteopath frequently finds a rib or two out of place. (I'm serious... it's like a domino effect!)

What seems to be working in chipping away at this myriad of issues is a myriad of approaches. As I said, I'm seeing an Osteopath every 10-14 days and she is participating in the chipping, although mostly addressing the pubic bone/pelvic floor issues, for no other reason than because pretty much no other specialty will or does! My massage therapist, meanwhile, has declared war on my IT band, psoas, and illopsoas (which seems to be the center of the wheel when it comes to where all the issues are coming from.) In addition, working out definitely helps. All too often what we think is a tightness issue is really a strength/weakness issue and, realizing that, I've been powering through temporary discomforts and set-backs to continue increasing my back, ab, and leg strength again. Finally, every night, right after Daisy goes to bed, I lay on the floor and devote the final 45 minutes of my day to some pretty extreme and painful stretching, sometimes incoroprating the excrutiating foam-roller into the routine when I'm feeling brave.

All that said, there are still days (especially on weekends) when carrying around and playing on the floor with a 5 month old all day, leaves me reaching for the NSAIDs and muscle relaxers. I'm not a big fan of either but, I have to say, that they are like "reset" buttons for me. They enable me to really relax and night and wake up the next morning ready to start all over again, rather than allowing the pain and inflammation to build upon itself.

It's a daily struggle not to feel discouraged and tired of dealing with this issue still but, when I look at Daisy and realize how much more active she's going to be in the coming years, I find new motivation every day.

Finally, I have added a couple of new things to my life.

The first is my parents. They're now here permanently and living down the street. This has been beyond AWESOME because, without their help, I'm pretty sure that Hubby and I would have lost our minds. I credit the fact that he and I are still on speaking terms to the reality that we're not alone in this new parenting thing. Someone else to share the burden, someone else to talk to, someone else to help with even the most basic things and, most importantly, two people we love to share our love for Daisy with. When I see my parents with Daisy, it's like having an extension of myself with her. I love sharing time as a family and that was borne-out during our recent vacation when Daisy also seemed to be equally as content to have all 4 of us together all the time. It's how I grew up (with my Nan and Grandad a big part of my daily life) and I'm so glad I can give that love and support to Daisy too.

The second is my new group of mommy friends. Contrary to what many may believe, the majority of women that I have acquired as new friends through having Daisy, are actually very cool, fun chicks who like to get out and about without their kids, as well as with them. Last Friday we all went out for "MNO" (Mother's Night Out) and had a great time chatting about our lives now as well as before mommyhood. I consider myself very lucky to have happened upon such a great group of ladies, especially after one of them told us about her sister who lives in another city and who has had the hardest time meeting other fun, local moms her age.

On the down-side (not that this is much of a "down") there is no possible way that I can attend all the birthday parties I am now getting invited to. Between my old friends (who have about 12 babies between them) and my new friends, there are just not enough weekends in a year, folks! So, while I love to socialize Daisy and celebrate birthdays (young and old), I'm going to have to start making some choices about which I attend and which I don't. For instance, I have 5 parties I have been invited to the weekend of October 3rd alone!

And, on that positive note, I'm going to sign-off. It's taken me almost 3 days to complete this post and I think it's time to turn it loose before it takes you almost 3 days to read it.

Until the next time I make it by...

TV.