tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33118269.post869572391160557798..comments2023-08-23T00:27:30.026-07:00Comments on Ms. Ranty Pants: The story of who I amMACMDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02271028892253203648noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33118269.post-73537877298265529852009-11-12T07:15:51.518-08:002009-11-12T07:15:51.518-08:00Yes, all that too. You are more than just one type...Yes, all that too. You are more than just one type of friend and you can and will train your friends to see you that way. Anyway, yes, we totally understand each other. Way to go, sister.ehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18061383195063293235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33118269.post-91140090589629797292009-11-12T06:51:39.635-08:002009-11-12T06:51:39.635-08:00e - I agree with everything you said and have had ...e - I agree with everything you said and have had the recognition of all of the above too for some time; I just didn't put it all in this post. One thing that people find weird about me for some reason is that I AM ok with not being liked and don't spend my life trying to be liked by everyone; I get that I'm not everyone's cup of tea (not everyone is mine) and I don't beat myself up about that. I don't. If it seemed that way in this post then it wasn't intended. <br /><br />I also agree that it's likely that I am using a cultural stereotype and am overgeneralizing the American psyche; stereotypes are just a useful tool not an absolute. It's a place to start understanding where people's perception of things and people come from. I know you know this.<br /><br />I don't agree, on the other hand, that the same is being done in reverse - if people out here actually did understand the English psyche, then it would probably actually help them better understand me.<br /><br />As for being a certain "type" of friend, yes, I have communicated this to my friends for some time BUT that, in fact, has become a part of this story about me too - to the extent that now people think me completely incapable of "being" anything else.<br /><br />I don't see myself as a fixed set of personality traits any more. I used to because it helped me explain who I was to people who didn't "get" me. (Which, as we've established, is just fine. They don't have to.) But I have come to know myself in new ways in the last 5-6 years and, while I definitely have characteristics and tendencies, it does not mean I am incapable or unwilling to play other roles or display other behaviors. <br /><br />That, in part, was the point of this post: I am more, deeper, more nuanced than what you see on the surface. I feel that, for some time, I have been complicit in encouraging my friends (not random people who I couldn't give a toss about) to pigeon-hole me based upon some surface characteristics, thereby turning myself into my own two-dimensional characature (sp?)<br /><br />What I'm saying is, I'm not playing a role in that any more. <br /><br />I'm always being taught: "Seek first to understand before being understood" and, while I don't always live up to this, I have actually never expected this of the other person, on the other side of the relationship equation. My story was that people wouldn't understand me and so that let them off the hook. <br /><br />Anyway... enough. I think you get it.MACMDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02271028892253203648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33118269.post-13868516639391554702009-11-11T21:39:43.944-08:002009-11-11T21:39:43.944-08:00Did I mention you're a wonderful, awesome frie...Did I mention you're a wonderful, awesome friend? Pffft. The nerve of some people.ehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18061383195063293235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33118269.post-5068135348276832842009-11-11T21:35:25.191-08:002009-11-11T21:35:25.191-08:00Hear, hear. You know, I am blunt and tough with al...Hear, hear. You know, I am blunt and tough with all my friends and loved ones. Like you, I offer support and sympathy, but will not sit around for a prolonged bitch fest. Say what you need to say, and then you gotta move on and create something new. Complaining and whining and doing nothing about it simply means that you actually prefer things to stay the way they are, period. And there is always someone who says, but you don't know my parents, or, but you don't know my husband. I say, your life is exactly the way you designed it. Sorry. Deal with it. So sympathy is great if you are seeing that something doesn't work and want to make a change, but you ain't gettin' it from me if you're just going feel to sorry for yourself and play the victim for the rest of your life. Of for any extended period of time.<br /><br />So. What does this mean? That everyone around me knows that they will only get the straight story from me, and they will not be indulged or enabled. I expect the same from them. <br /><br />What is the point of what I'm saying? Consider that we teach people how to treat us and how to see us. Perhaps your story about how Americans are suffers from the same hitch in the giddyup that their story about you does: some of it is true, but a lot of it is not, and it's just a surface reading. <br /><br />For anyone who gives me the whole "you're not supporting me the way I want you to line", I tell them this: I am not that friend. Here's what I can provide. If you want that, then I'm here. If you want the other thing, I'm not. It's simple. We don't have to be everything to each other, I'm comfortable being the blunt friend. And if you can see me beyond that, if you can see that I'm a good, solid friend and that I'm sensitive to your feelings, great. And if you can't, then great. Life is not a popularity contest. High school was, but now we're grown ups.<br /><br />Just because you are sensitive to people's feelings does not mean you need or want to indulge those feelings or let them run the show. In fact, I would suggest that our feelings are a terrible way to make any decision, and things go much better when we acknowledge our feelings and accept them, but they don't run the show.<br /><br />Grand master point: you are who you are, you're a great friend, your value is that you're honest and straight forward in addition to sensitive and empathetic. Train your friends to accept who you are instead of all of you getting stuck in your and their cultural stereotypes. And if you want to talk more about this, give me a call. And if people insist on not getting who you are, too damn bad, they can have whatever lives they have, without honest people around them. So there. <br /><br />Hurrumph.ehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18061383195063293235noreply@blogger.com